Gaining a deeper love

Today I got an email from one of my teachers who invited me to go horseback riding. I thought that she meant actually horseback riding but she actually meant going and helping autistic people. To be honest I didn't want to go but I went anyways. After being around them for a few hours I discovered those that were there for them and helping them. A scripture came to mind at the very end. "And again, how beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of those that are still publishing peace!" Mosiah 15:16
I then thought that that was what it was all about. That is what the gospel is all about. It taught me to have a deeper love and appreciation for those who are mentally disabled. I know that He loves even those who seem a bit strange to us. Who knows, maybe a bit strange to us maybe perfection in His eyes. Just a thought.
I am so grateful for this experience I was able to have. It taught me so much about His children and His teachings. I know that those are His children and they deserve to be loved and cared about just as much as those who are mentally stable.

Taking the first step...

Since I have been out here at college I have allowed myself to get so distracted by all the fun things. This has caused me to focus less on spiritual and school related things. It was as if I was walking away from the tree of life. I have been in a spiritual slump lately. I would always tell myself that tomorrow I would read and later I would do my work, but I seldomly, if ever, would. Tonight I started reading my scriptures. I read the first chapter in Nephi. I could feel a portion of the spirit and a portion of myself return. It felt good. I know that I have a long way to go and I can't gain back my lost time, but I can change the future. I can change the way I live my life right now. This is a goal of mine right now. My goal is to become a better daughter of God.

Divine Intervention

I started to become a downer after returning to college from an awesome weekend with some friends. Things became really hard! I had a lot of negativity running through my head and I started to act like a downer. Last night I was trying to work on homework (gave into the temptation of being on facebook again) when I started to feel like I had a fever. Typically I'm right about these feelings, so I went to bed really early last night. I didn't get much sleep because my roommate kept coming in and out. She was really loud, but I'm so glad she was. I had been going to bed really late and waking up really early so it taught me what she put up with this semester. It made me want to work harder so she doesn't have to put up with that anymore. Today I started thinking about going home and not going home again. So many thoughts kept coming through as usual about this. I remembered being at my friend's house and watching the Testament. I remember at one part the little girl wanted her brother to stay. It reminded me of my little sister and I just cried. It was then that I really felt like I had to go home, but I'm stupid and wanted to get both sides. Anyways I remembered a quote from Thomas S. Monson who quoted William Shakespeare who said "they do not love that do not show their love." It made me want to go and view the video online. I watched it and in it Thomas S. Monson said "never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved". That softened my heart so much! He was right! While I am trying to avoid an argument, which is a great thing, I shouldn't let that become more important than being with my family or showing my love for them. I still don't agree with anything my mom said!

I know that Jesus is the Christ. I know that sometimes He puts people and ideas in our way to help us grow and soften our hearts. I'm so glad that He did that for me this week!

He Cares

Recently I have mentioned that I wasn't going home for Christmas. My mom became frustrated because she was having a hard time finding a time for me to come home to the point that she thought arguing would bring me home. I did everything to avoid an argument, but came to the conclusion that that wouldn't be possible. Some of the things she said still hurt. We had come too far for me to argue anymore. I don't want that to happen to us again! I began talking to some people to get some ideas on whether or not I should go home to that or stay out here. Either way it is a hard decision for me to make because either way I know that I will come out hurt. I received both sides, yes I should and no I shouldn't. To be honest I'm still not sure what to do, but I really liked something that one of my friend said. He told me to be for the idea one day and against it the next and write down feelings and impressions of both days. I tried to but everytime I did I found myself even more depressed about the situation than I was before. Now don't get me wrong he gave great advice! I trust my friend with my life, but because of the tenderness of the situation it was almost impossible to do. I told him about that and he gave me more great advice. I'm still trying to follow his advice because I do trust him. I'm doing better now, but I am still having a hard time keeping my emotions and hurt feelings out of the way to make the best decision.

I was still having a hard time today. Somehow there is this one guy on campus who is around when I need someone the most. He doesn't mean to be nor does he know that he helps me out a lot, but he does. I met him my first week out here and we became really good friends since. I don't see too much of him on campus, but I know he is around. Anyways I ran into him today as I was on my way home. He was behind me. We didn't have too much to talk about this time because we were both out of it and didn't really have too much to say. It wasn't much but being able to be around one of my friends made me happier. I was so grateful for my Heavenly Father for him crossing my path today.

Not only that but a leaf fell just in front of me...just one. It reminded me of a story a friend told me. I laughed because it reminded me of that and because that friend is practically my twin.

I know that Heavenly Father does care about all of His children. I know that by small and simple means are great things come to pass (see the Book of Mormon). I am so glad for all the people He has placed in my path.

Power of Prayer

Many times while I have been out here I have felt lost and like my Heavenly Father left me alone out here. It felt like He was answering so few of my prayers, but He was only answering them in His way. Sometimes I think He wouldn't answer my prayers the way I wanted Him to answer them because that wasn't the best option for me. He is trying to teach me that I need to grow and learn with Him there as well as without recognizing He is there. Sometimes my answer will be obvious and sometimes it won't be. Recently He has answered one of my prayers. Through one of His servants I was able to be reminded that He is willing to answer my prayers and that He still does answer them. I was so grateful that He had reminded me of that because it was something that I needed to know. I wish I would have been reminded in a different way, but the Lord works in mysterious ways at times. Nevertheless, I am thankful for the reminder that my prayers are not only heard but also answered.

Recently I was around some of my friends. We hung out and had a good time, but I couldn't help but feel like I wasn't happy. I prayed more than once that I would be able to be happy for them. After a while I finally felt like I was being happy and doing my job. One of them I really enjoyed talking to because I could see the light of Christ so clearly in that person. It was a joy talking to that person! I would love to carry on more conversations with that person! I ended up having a wonderful time and making a couple of friends in the process. It was great! Through the power of the Holy Ghost I was able to feel happy enough to serve by being a friend. It was wonderful!
I am so grateful for those opportunities to grow spiritually. I know that my Heavenly Father was there for me in my little times of distress when I needed Him. I am so glad that He is still there for me.

I-clicker

I started to get depressed about things that were going on and I know that that is Satan trying to lead me down dark alleys. In defense I am writing this blog post at 12:19 AM.

Today I was more in tuned with the Spirit. I would say that today went well with that. I lost my I-clicker which I needed to take a quiz on. I keep losing things out here. I was tempted to get angry and frustrated and make a huge scene to get my roommates to help me, but instead I chose to keep calm about it. One of my roommates actually ended up helping me look for it a little. Time was running out and I had to find that I-clicker fast. I was again tempted to pitch a fit, but instead remained calm and kept looking. I finally chose to kneel down and pray for guidance to find it. I asked Him to help me and I put my faith in Him. I had a place in my mind of where it would be before I prayed as well as after (as if He was telling me He was there, but was waiting for a stronger thought when I prayed). I went there and sure enough there was my I-clicker. I was able to walk to class on time and not have to worry about my chest (I've been having some issues with my chest...but its okay now). I was so grateful for my Heavenly Father. He was with me helping me.

I know that I let Him down for some of the things I said later on concerning some of His children, but its an area that I need to improve on. I am not yet perfect, but that is no excuse for giving up or failing. I still have to improve my communication with my Heavenly Father as well as many others, but I'm not giving up. I realize some of my flaws, not all but some, and have a base on what I need to improve on. I know that through the power of the atonement and through Jesus Christ this is possible. I just have to take that first step of faith.
I know that Jesus is the Christ and has given up His life for people like me who make many mistakes to give us a chance to go back home. I know that He lives and He loves me.

Haunted House

Last night I watched a movie with some friends. Personally I don't like that movie because it reminds me of something that makes me so mad. I had gotten over this a long time ago, but watching that movie made me so mad! I talked to a couple of my roommates about it when we were home. I was still pretty ticked! While I was talking my roommates about it one my roommates told me that I should be a missionary. It was kindof random, but it is a good thought. After a long, long talk with my roommate (one of them ended up going to bed) we finally went to bed. She told me to pray about something. I think I did. I didn't get my answer yet, but the Lord saw fit to tell me something I needed to hear through a dream.

In my dream my roommate Liz and I were inside a haunted house (mind you I don't like scary things especially haunted houses and scary films...I really don't like scary things). I remember that there were a bunch of monsters running around scaring people. I walked around a bit and then realized that I wanted out. I discovered that there was a place on the floor that if you sat down on they wouldn't notice you. I remember someone inside telling me that. I sat down and started reading my scriptures. It chased the darkness away and I was able to find my way out.

To me the interpretation was that the way out of fear and places I finally realize I don't want to be in is to read the scriptures. In the dream there was a place on the floor that if I sat down on I wouldn't be harmed. I think this means that I have to humble myself and bring myself to a point where He can teach me things through the Book of Mormon. Only then can He protect me from those monsters that threaten me in any haunted house. After that I can find my way out by following the light.

I am so glad that my Heavenly Father reminded me of this! I am so glad that a loving Father was so kind enough to tell me something I needed to hear in a kind way. I bear my testimony that He lives and He will draw near unto us if we draw near unto Him.

Pressing forward

Lately I have run into the worst luck! My shelf broke, my top drawer is breaking, I made a 45 on my 1st math exam, my classes are really hard, the list is endless really...During all this I found myself falling into that same person I have been working so hard to change. Yes, I began to look for the negatives and looking to complain. I started forgetting to look for the positives and press forward with faith and love. I started putting off my scripture readings and sincerly praying to my Heavenly Father. I started forgetting to thank Him for all that I have as it is. Oh sure I would read one scripture and pray asking for help but I wouldn't invest myself into my scriptures or my prayers because of time. My Heavenly Father still tried to speak to me during this time. Everytime I would just read one random scripture and most of the time it talked about sinning and the need for repentance. Few times would it actually speak something happy. I remember a few nights ago when I was reading one random scripture my random scripture was one where Christ spoke of trying to revive His vineyard once more. It was as if Christ was telling me that He wasn't giving up on me and He was going to take a different approach because obviously just telling me to repent wasn't going to work. He did! I made a 45 on my math exam. He wouldn't help me out on my exam. Now don't get me wrong, I believe that if I was doing my part He would be more than willing to help me as far as my preparation allowed me.
So instead of sitting on my hope chest (like I've started to do) I choose to move on with my life. I am choosing to take these experiences and either make them better or find the positives in them. I am also going to choose to take ten minutes out of everyday, at least, to read my scriptures. To really read them and listen to what I need to hear. Maybe this time I will earn words of comfort instead of words of warning. I choose to continue to change and to progress forward with faith. I don't want to become that same person I was months ago. Even after many months have passed away I still can't get the frustration and sadness out of my mind! So I choose to press on and move forward even if I can't do much right now.

Watching examples

My first week out here in college someone I knew very well died. I can honestly say that I didn't see that one coming. Its odd how that sortof thing works though. I still can't believe that he's dead. In my mind he's alive and back home with his family, but he's not. I guess the news will really sink in when I come home and that entire family has moved away. Anyways I recently talked to my mom about that family and how they are doing. They are doing fine. They aren't letting this experience disable them spiritually. It seems that they are clinging to the gospel more in their time of need. I just thought that was really amazing!
About a week or so ago I was struggling big time adjusting into the college life. I am still adjusting however it has become much better than it was. I ended up breaking down and crying at 2 AM. I went into one of my roommates' room and started crying. She pulled me out of the room, so as not to wake up the other roommate, and talked with me. She gave me helpful advice and I wound up following it. I received my second priesthood blessing which is the maximum I am allowing myself to get at this time.
Many months ago one of my friends realized that I was struggling with some things. He has a prayer list where he prays for a bunch of people (sorry, but thats the best way for me to explain it). He put my name on that list. I heard about that from a different fried of mine. That meant the world to me! I really liked what my friend was doing and followed his example for a little bit.
Speaking of examples this reminds me of Christ. He never forgot anyone. When the multitude were hungry He fed them, when the sick came to Him He healed them, when the sinner came to Him He healed them, and when the child came He blessed them.
After watching Thomas S. Monson's talk today I wanted to express my gratitude for all those wonderful examples. There are of course many others that I know I haven't mentioned in this blog, but because there were so many I chose only a few. In my opinion these are some of my blessings.

Friends

I am actually writing this blog in response to one of my friend's blog. A lot of the things he mentioned in his blog really made me think (he always gets me to think). In his blog he said this:
"The thought at the beginnning of the meeting was about idleness. If Satan is going to get those of us who are strong in the gospel, he will use idleness. The way he will start is by getting us to be lax in our scripture study, and in our prayers. If we do slow down our study and our prayers, so to speak, we will lose a greater portion of the spirit."
It really got me thinking about how lazy I have been. Since I have been out here I haven't exactly been the prime example of what to do while at college...actually I wouldn't even go far as to say I am an example. I have been really lazy and panicky (if that is even a word). I have been putting aside my scripture reading, somewhat schoolwork, praying with real intent, resting, and even eating somewhat. I have been sitting here in idleness for a long time waiting until I started to get a hang of things before I was going to plan for my scripture readings. While I have been reading my scriptures for class and to keep up a promise I made years ago I haven't really tried to read and understand what they are telling me. While I was at a devotional someone spoke about when you put aside reading your scriptures you are putting aside Christ. That just sounds so wrong! I want to get better at setting apart a certain time in the day to read my scriptures and not just to get an A in my religion class, but to really read them to understand them on my own turfs. These were just a few thoughts that I had when I was reading my friend's blog.
I started thinking about how the Lord has been there for me these past two weeks. My friend, the one I quoted from his blog, does not know this but while I have been out here he has been helping me out a great deal. Let me try to explain this! I have gotten to know my friend to the point where whenever the Lord wants to tell me something through my thoughts He uses my friend. Let me give you an example of what I am trying to explain because I know that it doesn't make any sense from what I have written. On my first day or second day (I can't remember) I was having a hard time making friends. Actually I hadn't made any! I was walking around the gardens when this guy walked right past me. It was as if my friend (the one from the blog...keep up with me because I'm not putting out names) was there through my thoughts. I had the thought (exactly as my friend would say it) to go and talk to that guy. I didn't go at first, but then the thought came again, so I went up to that guy and asked him if he was lost...he wasn't. We started walking around campus and talking. We walked around campus at least three times! His name was very similiar to that of my friend (so in my head I laugh at that saying stuff like "oh so that's why you wanted me to talk to him") actually his name only changes by two letter...kindof freaky right? Anyways, we were walking and talking and joking around for about two hours. One of his friends called him and she joined us. We went over to Dominos (because she worked there) and we all chipped in and bought some pizza. We walked back to campus and ate some pizza on the grass. After about two more hours we all went our seperate ways. I had made a friend! The next day I still wasn't making any friends (we have a thing out here where the freshmen meet together in little groups and get to know each other and about the school). I still hadn't clicked with anyone in my group! I finally decided to make a better attempt to make friends. I succeeded! After that the friend I met around the gardens I saw very little of (because we just haven't run into each other much). I came to the point where I made many friends (I'm over at their houses a lot!). We have so much fun (but this is where the distraction I'm talking about comes into play because I love being around them and I enjoy it to the point where my time is gone). That friend who I quoted has been doing stuff like that ever since I've been out here.

The Lord has been looking out for me out here! I have been trying to save money to the point where I was practically living on Ramen noodles. I have lost weight to the point where one of my guy friends noticed (you know its obvious when a guy notices weight loss). I think it scared one of my roommates because one sunday morning (this past sunday) I decided to eat it for breakfast. She made me french toast that morning. Not only that but that same roommate wrote me out a schedule earlier this week because I have been having difficulty getting organized and planning out my daily schoolwork. She has been like a mother to me lately to help me get on my feet again, but she has also been a friend to me being there for me and hanging out with me! A couple of days ago things became so hard that I accidentally knocked over 8 of my perscribed pills (that was a rough estimate) and I just cried. I went into her room and just let everything out! She gave the idea that I should get another priesthood blessing (a couple of days ago I asked my roommate to ask someone to give me a priesthood blessing and I got one...that's the simplified version). I told her that I wasn't sure if I should get another one because I just got one two days beforehand. I thought about it and felt a sense of peace about it, so I went with that decision. That same day I went shopping with my roommate (she helped me out some) then a couple of our FHE leaders (she advised them because she said that they would be better because they were over us) showed up and gave me another blessing that was bore a second witness to the first blessing. Afterwards one of the guys stayed behind and to give me tips and even helped me out with some of my homework. I am so grateful for the priesthood!

I could go on forever telling stories of the marvelous things that the Lord has done for me while I have been out here, but considering time I will spare them for another day. I am very grateful for the things that He has done for me. I am grateful that He didn't give up on me even when I had given up on myself. I am grateful that He provided me with many friends who show me the way and uplift and inspire me. I am striving to do better while I am out here and I know that my Heavenly Father is with me each of the way! I want to deeply thank my friends for all the things they have done for me no matter how great or small they always help and mean something to me! I hope that when the time comes for me to do the same I will be able to help them out in whatever way it may be!

I know that my Heavenly Father loves me! I know that He is watching over me and taking care of me (even when I'm not eating right or sleeping...).

Can't believe

Being out here at college has been the most amazing experience of my life! I have tons of friends (which really surprised me, but its a good surprise not like...). College is a little too much fun which has led me to bad choices like saying something a little mean or staying up too late (try taking a 7:45-9:45 AM Book of Mormon class when you went to bed at 1:00 AM...can you spell hard?). I also went on my first date (surprised...yeah well it surprised me too, but mostly because I didn't know it was a date...I really didn't know I was on a date). I still can't believe that someone I knew very well died a little over a week ago. I've heard that it has really hurt their family and I don't like that at all because I really know and love that family. I am really glad I am not at home right now to witness this because I don't think I could take all the pain. Its hit me a little, but because I am away from home and the reality hasn't set in it really hasn't. I am still in the denial stage and in my mind its just a joke or it never happened. Their family is moving out of my ward because it hurts them a lot. I just want them to know that I deeply love that family! They are welcome to visit me in my apartment anytime!
Its mind boggling as to why the Savior allows these things to happen, but they happen. I believe that He knows what He is doing. I personally think that it was his time to leave this life because he was ready to go home and his work is done in this life. We all miss him and I bet he misses us as well. I can't really say much of anything to that family except to let them know that I'm there for them if they need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.
So college has been full of things that I just can't believe are happening. Now, I'm okay from all these things (for the most part...I'm still quite stressed out from college...). I don't want anyone who reads this to think that I'm doing just awful and miserable because a lot of the time I'm not (besides being behind in classes, sressed out, tired, and distracted). I am doing fine! I just can't believe all the things that have happened since I came out here!

Mistakes

Since I've been out here I have done some really stupid things! I became behind in my school work, said a lot of things that should have stayed in my thoughts, and I have not been faithfully reading my scriptures. I always read a verse a day, but it's not enough. Fun things have just been getting in the way of everything I need to accomplish. This is all very new to me! I haven't found that balance just yet. Not only that but things have been happening back home as well. I won't go into details, but its really causing changes back home. Adjusting into the college life has been really hard! So I am not exactly being the best example of what a college student should be because I am so distracted. However its been really good for me in a way. Its been the one of the greatest feelings I can think of to be around people that want to be around me! I was able to make friends out here easier than usual. I still miss many of my old friends who I have either lost contact with, they went on a mission (I don't want to make that sound like its bad or anything because I would be disappointed if they didn't go...it makes me happy that they are gone serving Christ by serving His people), I was repeatedly stupid causing that friendship to end, because I had to leave for college, and because they found someone else to befriend (didn't do anything in those times, they just ditched me to put it lightly).
I have made so many mistakes while I have been out here. However there is still a voice of reasoning calling back to me inviting me to come unto Christ. It reminds me that He is still there, He understands, and He can heal me from whatever it may be. He reminds me that He will still be there for me every step of the way (meaning He will serve me) and that I should do the same for others. Even though my mistakes aren't even close to serious they are still mistakes. I wonder if I will ever get it right or change all the stupid things I do and say. Then that familiar feeling comes reminding me to come unto Christ. Right now I believe that the most important thing I can do right now is to come unto Him.
I am very grateful for all the things the Lord has blessed me with at this time! I am glad for this chance that I have that the Lord has given me.

Things are changing

I never know just what to expect in life anymore because right when I think I have everything figured out things change. My mom and I have become really close. Its been a really slow process, but I think that we're finally okay. I hate that I have to leave for college when things are going this great with my mom, but I know that by staying home I can't achieve whatever the Lord has planned for me. Somehow I was able to find a 2 1/2 week job. I'm still surprised that I even got the job considering I had zero work experience and I was a little stuffed up when I applied for the job. I got to see many old faces that I hadn't seen in forever! It felt great to talk to them and see how they were doing. Speaking of seeing many old faces, I wonder what's going to happen once I'm at college and I see more old faces. Well I guess I'll find out next week.

Working in a store

Last week I started my first job. I am a cashier for a college bookstore, but I'm training to work the floor (or to help people find the books they need). I love my job a lot! Today there was a guy on a cross-country scholarship (the guy said he could run 5 miles in 28 minutes). I rung up his books and he left. A few minutes after he had left he came back with some of his friends. They didn't buy anything that time, but the guy told me that he was back. I didn't have time to talk, so I said something like yeah you're back. Andrew (the security guy) told me that he thought that guy liked me or something. I just thought it was comical!
Working at that bookstore has been the most fun I've had all summer! I talk to the other employees and joke with some of them. We just have a great time! I also really like talking to the customers! Its always fun to see them smile! There's this guy named Matt. The second day of work I asked him his name and he told me "its Matt with two t's" and I said something like why not one t. His response killed me when he said no, two t's. He is always making a joke. There is this girl named Brittney. As we were talking one day I found out that she went to the same middle school that I did for two years. We were in the same grade! For some reason she recognized me and I didn't, but then again it was middle school and I was really quiet in middle school (come to think of it I'm just a quiet person at school). We've become really good work buddies! I love my work so much that I really don't want to leave it all behind when I leave for college, however I can't wait to leave at the same time! Tomorrow the rush begins. I'll be at work for about 10 hours tomorrow ringing up some cranky customers. See, financial aid doesn't start until tomorrow and there will be hundreds of people waiting outside to get their books in that blazing Georgia summer weather (because we have such a small bookstore we can only let in about 30-40 people at a time, so they all have to wait outside). I've heard that things can get quite hostile and a little verbal at times, but for the most part it will be just a lot of tired and cranky people wanting to go home. Can't wait!

Zero to hero

When I was young I was diagnosed with ADD. A two year old had a better attention span than I did. My grades slowly dropped. 6th and 7th grade I had to go to summer school because I failed a class or two. My only motive for even passing summer school was for my friends. Finally eight grade came around and I gave up. I failed every single class except for band and art class. I only passed band because I have a musical ear and could pick up on tunes easily. I didn't practice much, if any, yet I was able to go to honors band and some other honors band. I actually received 3 band medals based on my musical ear when you look at the fact that I didn't practice. I only passed art because it was based effort not perfection (fyi I am not very artistic). After failing 8th grade (even summer school couldn't help me pass onto 9th grade) my mom pulled me out of public school and placed me into private school. That year I made straight A's. I received the David and Golith award for defeating my Golith in life (my older sister received that same award that same year...we were the only ones to receive this honor).

9th grade came and I first place in a poetry contest. I think I won a couple of other academic awards that same year. In 10th grade I only received honor roll if I remember correctly, but its a step up from failing. 11th grade came around where I became a member of the youth council advisory committee and almost went to leadership summitt, but wouldn't attend because it fell on a sunday. Last summer I participated in efy and hill cumorah pageant where I had numerous chances to bear my testimony. I did everytime and each time I did someone always came up to me and told me about my strong testimony and how thankful they were for it. I remember at efy some guy I hadn't talked to, but had been in my company, told me that he was going on a mission and another guy told me to not loose that strong testimony three times I think. At pageant someone came up to me and told me that she took notes on my testimony (which I thought was weird, but cool at the same time). My 12th grade year I became the senior class president, received 2 scholarships, a leadership trophey, a track plaque, and I almost graduated with cum laude (I was off by a point or two, but its okay). Not only that but I was also accepted into a nice university. I wish you could have seen the look on my doctor's face when I told him that. He was so suprised because, in my opinion, he thought I wasn't going to amount up to much. I am happy to tell you that I graduated high school last friday.

Often times people look down on the very people they will eventually look up to. Don't give up on any righteous dream because one small mind tells you to quit. There are so many success stories of people laughing and mocking at someone because their weaknesses, yet they overcame it all. "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."- A Cinderella Story

My testimony

I've realized that I don't bear my testimony enough. I don't have to explain my reason(s) as to why I don't, but I don't. When I was little my parents divorced and it was really hard for me to accept it and move on with my life. To make matters worse my older sister was (and is) mentally ill and jealous of everything I did. She was very violent physically as well as verbally. I couldn't (and still can't) tell her all of my accomplishments because when the attention is taken off of her, she can't handle it, so I have to be careful about what she knows. When we would take "family" vacations to somewhere like Disney World sometimes we would have to take seperate vacations because the situation with my older sister and me. My mom and I weren't really close growing up, actually to be honest I hated her. After my parents divorced it hurt me so bad that I would stay up in my room and I wouldn't leave unless I had to eat or go to the bathroom. What you have to understand about my mom is that she can't understand how I felt because she had a beautiful childhood and described it to me as not having any trials. She realized this and would call me disturbing. I wasn't disturbed, but upset about the divorce. Instead of talking to me about the divorce and saying something like 'things will be okay honey' she would call me disturbing and send me straight to counseling where some weird stranger would cross his legs and want to talk about feelings. My mom wouldn't listen to me and she would call me all sorts of mean, rude, and off-the-wall names she shouldn't have. This made me so mad and would often spark many arguments that were so bad my dad would come to my house and take me somewhere to calm down. He listened to me, understood me, and gave me advice. My dad was my best friend growing up and we developed a great relationship.
I can't go on and tell you anymore than I have already told you because it still sortof upsets me, even though its all said and done. I will say this though, my mom and I grew together a year or two ago and we are doing great now.
The point of my depressing story was to give you my testimony. "Satans greatest threat is to destroy the family and make a mockery of the law of chastity" (I can't remember who said that becaues I've heard it so often). I testify that whoever said that is right. Family is no joking matter, its serious. I wish that I could have had a childhood filled with family picnics and happy moments but a lot of my memories are filled with watching satan's plan in full swing. I hated it! I can't complain too much today because things are better than they were. Family is important, never forget that! Take advantage of that special opportunity! There is real power in the family unit! If your like me and your family is weak, don't do what I did! It doesn't do any good to sit locked up in your room while time passes you by. "It does not do good to dream and forget to live" -Albus Dumbledore.
I know that Jesus Christ atoned not only for the sins of the world, but also for all the pain and sickness that the world has to offer. I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost and its power to teach, heal, and comfort. Last, but not least, I am grateful for my Heavenly Father for sending His only Begotten Son to this earth for me. I know that the Book of Mormon is true and that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I leave you with my testimony in the sacred name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

I have come to know for myself

I am excited to tell you that I have just finished the Book of Mormon. I can't even begin to describe the Spirit that I have felt while I was reading it. I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God! I know that the power of God dwells between its pages, but don't just take my word, read it yourself!

Taught by a child

As a Daughter of God I have the right to tell my story. As a child of God, you have the right to choose whether to read this or not; this being called agency, something you and I fought for in the preexistence. For the past two sundays I have been helping my mom out with nursery. It has been one of the most amazing experiences in my life. At first I didn't know what to do. How are you suppose to react when they get upset and pitch a fit? I wasn't sure. I was so glad when my mom needed me to leave to get up to go get something. Then I started getting adjusted and learned how to handle the kids in situations and I really liked it. That was the first sunday that I did it. The second sunday, which was yesterday, I helped out my mom again. I won't go into to too many details about what happened in nursery that sunday on my blog because it might take away from my story. There is this sweet girl named Olive (she is my absolute favorite of her class) and she is as sweet as can be. She is always so forgiving and loving. Yesterday she gave me a hug and it lasted a long time. She just came up to me and starting hugging me. I remembered a scripture that told us to become like little children and another one that taught us that "blessed are the peacemakers..." and little Olive was truely an example of these things. Everytime one of the other little children would take something from her or even hit her she never did anything back but always seemed forgiving. I felt such love for her! I was so grateful for her and I was even more grateful that my Savior had been so loving to my ward for putting such a sweet spirit into it. I had the amazing opportunity to read her a story while she was sitting in my lap. One of my favorite experiences in my life!
I have thought about this a lot and I want to become like Olive. She is an example for me! I want to show love, mercy, and establish peace as Olive had to those that weren't always kind to her. I am so grateful for the opportunity to spend some time with her, I really am! I am not looking forward to this sunday when I won't be able to go to nursery and be around her, but I can't wait for the next opportunity to be near her. Its always a pleasure being near her.
Now I understand what the scriptures mean by becoming as little children. Little children, like Olive, are easy to teach and are so beautiful in their good works that Heavenly Father is not only pleased, but I bet He smiles on their countenance. Just food for thought...

Gratitude

As a Daughter of God I have the right to tell my story. As a child of God, you have the right to choose whether to read this or not; this being called agency, something you and I fought for in the preexistence. You know that old saying "you never know what you have until it's gone"? My older sister is mentally ill and recently came out of the hospital. Every night my mom leaves the house, sometimes with my little sister, and stays at her house. After my mom, and sometimes my little sister, leaves things not only get quiet but they also get very lonely. I was laying in my bed one of those nights when it was just me and realize something. I realized just how much I missed my mom and my little sister. I realized just how much I love my family. I don't think I have ever felt such gratitude towards my Savior for my family ever in my entire life. Even though they are only gone for a few hours each night to care for my older sister I miss them terribly!

A couple of times I became a little scared being alone at night in a house. Last night was one of them. Immediately I pulled out my cell phone and started texting one of my friends and I started to listen to a talk by John Bytheway. When I asked my friend what he was doing he told me that he was listening to John Bytheway. I laughed and told him that I was too. We continued to text for a little bit and then we stopped. I felt so grateful just to text my friend! I still feel grateful for that. I prayed to my Heavenly Father and thanked Him for blessing me with family and friends, but this time I really meant it!

I heard a story about some people in concentration camps and someone asked "what can we be grateful for?" and someone wise said "we can be grateful for the fleas." Fleas? How can someone be grateful for fleas? The fleas kept the guards away from the building where they were studying the scriptures.

There are stories in the Book of Mormon filled with stories about how groups of people were about to perish and yet the Lord would spare their lives, give them food, and even deliever them out of the hands of their enemies. What blessings they received!

I am so grateful for everything the Lord has done for me! I am grateful for my family and friends. I'm grateful for my enemies. I am so grateful for all that my Savior blessed me with.

Stand up for virtue

As a Daughter of God I have the right to tell my story. As a child of God, you have the right to choose whether to read this or not; this being called agency, something you and I fought for in the preexistence. In my opinion virtue means much more than just waiting to "create" or even committing adultry, no it also means keeping your thoughts, your actions, your clothes modest, your language morally clean, and staying away from porn. A couple of years ago I met this guy (I will withhold his name for his sake) who I just don't feel any respect for. To me he seems like a guy that will do anything (and I mean anything) to gain popularity and to get somebody to laugh. I remember one day he was looking at his phone and laughing with his friends. He showed me what was on his phone and it was one of the most horrific thing I can possibly think of that I have ever seen. I refuse to go into any details. I was absolutely mortified and disgusted by this. I went and told a teacher what had happened and the teacher didn't do much, actually all he did was tell that guy to stop it. What I had witness kept running through my mind again and again. I prayed so many times for it to get out of my head and the Lord heard and answered my prayers to the point that even to today I can no longer remember what I had seen, but I can remember what had happened. I soon became angry with that guy and was scared that he would do something like that again. I was only concerned with protecting myself from this ever happening again that I went up to him and told him that we were going to have a conference with my parents, his parents, and the headmaster about what he had done. I meant it too, I remember asking my dad to talk to him. He knew that I wasn't kidding too! He was really scared of the talk that he was about to have with me, my parents, his parents, the headmaster, and himself. He asked me to not do that. It got to the point that someone else even asked me to call it off. I starting thinking about it and came up with a better solution :) I told him that I would call it off if he would promise me that he would never do that again and if he would be kind to me (I threw that one in when I was talking to him, so he would be nicer...pretty clever right) and told him that if he broke that promise that we would have that conversation with our parents and the headmaster. He agreed to it and it was called off. He stayed clear from me for a while after that. Even to this day that promise is still in tact.

Speak up for virtue! If you feel someone is threatening your virtue, say something! Don't ever place yourself in a situation where someone will take away your morality away from you in anyway! Never, never allow your morality to be threatened! If anything like this ever happens to you, tell someone you trust like a friend, a leader, the bishop, your parents, just tell someone.

Enduring to the end

As a Daughter of God I have the right to tell my story. As a child of God, you have the right to choose whether to read this or not; this being called agency, something you and I fought for in the preexistence. Yesterday I went to my second track meet. My little sister was suppose to go to one of her soccer games, but it was cancelled, so she and my mom were able to attend my track meet. She is so sweet! She not only offered me to borrow her running shoes, but she also went all the way out to the car to get them for me. So she got them for me and I tried them on and they were a lot lighter than shoes. Anyways, while we were waiting for my event which was running the 200 meters we were watching them run the 1 mile (at least I think that was the one miler...). The 1 mile means running around the track 4 times. There was this one girl from another team that was competing in this event and I remembered watching her from the last meet. Anyways, so the guy called out "on your marks, get set" bang and they were off. All the runners then took off. Four laps later they all finish, all but one. She had another lap to go, but she ran that last lap anyways. Listen with your spiritual ears for a minute, she was the last person to finish, but instead of quiting, she finished the race. I thought that was really cool!
I had been really nervous for my event and said like 3 or 4 prayers asking for my Heavenly Father's help (because I needed it and I knew that I couldn't run without Him). Eventually it became my turn to run. I went up there and signed in. I started talking to the others who were competing in that event (which calmed me down a little bit). Soon enough it was my turn to run, so I lined up into position (I was in lane 1) and ran after the gun went off. I was in 7th place at this time. I noticed that the only girl behind me was catching up with me. I was doing great until that last 100 meters when my fears and doubts started returning. I realized where that thought was coming from and said to myself in my head "not today satan!" and you know what, after I did that I was able to finish the race (and I came in 7th place). As I was talk to my coach I also found out that I had beaten my previous time. The coach also told me that if one of the girls that was going to run in the 200 meters for regions moved up to the 400 meters I would be in the top 2 and be able to compete in the regions game for the 200 meters (so no one is deceived, what he meant was that there would be only 2 people interested in that event and since I would be what was left I would have the chance to compete)...but still the fact that I might go to regions was a great thought.
Its amazing how the Lord answers my prayers and how He is always there for me. God really does answer prayers and He wants to bless us, we just have to excercise just a little bit of faith and ask Him for the things that we need. He will answer our prayers according to His will, in His way, and on His time are we blessed.
"Fear does not come from God." (I can't exactly remember who said this, I want to say it was either John Bytheway or Joseph Smith, but I could be wrong). If fear doesn't come from God, then surely it comes from satan, the one whose plan is to spiritually destroy all righteousness. I say that as long as people excercise faith and humility and go to God they can conquer satan and his attacks through fear and doubt.

Being Bold

As a Daughter of God I have the right to tell my story. As a child of God, you have the right to choose whether to read this or not; this being called agency, something you and I fought for in the preexistence. There were times in my life when I was bold and there were also times in my life where I wasn't and I missed a chance. I realize that I am not always a bold person, so please don't think of me as a hypocrite. Here are some of my favorite moments where I was bold.
My second year of eight grade (yes, my second year...I failed eight grade on purpose; I just gave up and chose to fail, so I didn't fail because I'm not capable, but thats not the point of this story) is when I started going to private schools. There was this girl (I will withhold her name for her sake) who loved to pick on me (or at least she would try). Anyways I remember she wanted to spread a nasty untruthful rumor about me. She told me that the only way she wouldn't spread around this lie was if I helped her out with school. I told her to go ahead and tell everyone, but I know and God knows thats its not true and thats all who needs to know (the words that I wrote probably weren't a direct quote of what I said but its pretty close). You should have seen her face! She was so stunned and if my memory doesn't fail I think her mouth fell open. Anyways when she realized that she couldn't harm me (notice what I said...usually a bully's motive is to try and destroy someones spirit, but if you don't let it bother you, their attacks have no value or no effect on you...just a side note there). She then began begging me to help her out with school and I remember I told her I would help her though (and I did or at least I tried).
This one was just this past summer at efy. It was testimony meeting and I chose to get up and bear my testimony after a huge discussion I held with myself in my head. I remember I got a lot of feedback on my testimony. Towards the end of efy my company gathered in some room and we all said our goodbyes and exchanged our emails and stuff like that. This guy that I didn't talk to at all came up to me and said told me that he was gonna go on a mission (when I was talking to him it seemed as if my testimony had changed his mind about missions and he was like 16ish I think...). Another guy told me to not loose my strong testimony about two, three, four times...IDK. Anyways then came the last day of efy (you know...pick up day) and as I was waking up one of my roomates (I had to only share a room with only two other girls, until someone else moved in which made three others, while everyone else had 6 girls staying in there dorms...just a sidenote there) kept popping her head in my room to see if I was up. I ended up walking over to put in my contacts and walked back in my room and found out why she kept popping her head in my room...she gave me a stuffed animal with a card. ( I really loved having her as a roommate because she was wild but sweet...I remember that I fell asleep on the couch because I have this thing about sleeping with lights on, I just can't do that, and she put a towel under the door to stop the light from waking me up, but since I fell asleep on the couch it woke me up and I started complaining about it and later realized that she had tried to help me...oops!) Anyways back to the story. Now my roommate, well, lets just say that I don't think shes exactly strong in the church (I think she goes, but has issues...well its not my place to say anyways) and she and her friend thanked me and told me what a pleasure it was to be around me and stuff like that (I think she and that other person really meant it...I still have that card).
I will not state when or where this next story took place...well at least not on my buzz. This guy I know (for his sake I will withhold his name) who just did not like Joseph Smith at all. He would constantly trash him, or so it seemed to me, everytime I was near (because he knew I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints). Most days I would just take it and sometimes I would politely ask him to cut it out. I remember one time it really got to me and (I am convinced that this came from the Lord) I turned to him and said "so and so I respect your religion why won't you respect mine" (that was pretty much an exact quote). He couldn't respond to that (you could tell that he would have said something, but nothing came to mind). Anyways I wound up teaching him about Joseph Smith. I was able to teach him that Joseph Smith loved God and the Bible and how he followed God and the restoration (at least I think I taught him the restoration). I knew that day that he felt my spirit. He started looking stuff up about the church throught the website that I led him to and he even was curious about whether nonmembers could go to byu (that was the school that I had my heart set on and he knew that a lot of members went there). I remember that I would help him out with every math test. I made notes for him to help him out on tests to show him what people in my church were like. Everytime he trashed the missionaries I would always ask that he would at least show some respect to them (he is the type of person that would slam the door in their faces). I even challenged him to challenge the missionaries the next time they came to his door and start talking about Christ and the Bible...he hasn't done that. I would love to sit, or stand, here today and tell you that he has been converted, but he hasn't. At least I think he respects us and our religion a little bit more.
Oh my gosh this memory of mine was just so incredible. I met this guy at efy 2006. We became such great, fast friends that people started to think that we were either dating or related. After efy our friendship continued. We talked for years (and we are communicating still today, as much as I feel we should at this time...let me finish the story for you to understand why I want limited communication right now). I remember he asked me a question (I'm actually embarrassed to tell you the question he asked me, but nevertheless, here it goes...) "Do you think that guys who go on missions are hot?" I responded to him that I did and told him about a friend of mine who woke up his mom to go to church and how I just thought it was so cool. Anyways he talked to me a little less and a little less until we just stopped talking altogether for about a year (IDK why, he just did). I encouraged him to go on a mission from time to time. Last november I sent him an email and I hadn't sent him anything in a long time before then. As it turns out, he is now on his mission...now the question is, did I influence his decision by being bold?
To finish this post off, I just wanted to tell anyone who reads this that I know just how much power one voice can have on many.

My Story

As a Daughter of God I have the right to tell my story. As a child of God, you have the right to choose whether to read this or not; this being called agency, something you and I fought for in the preexistence. Recently I began to listen to the little lies satan spat out, for example: I'm not a daughter of God, I cannot return home to my Heavenly Father, trying is a waste of time...etc. These are all false! Since I cannot honestly say that I stand here, I sit here today, telling those who have excercised their agency to read my buzz, to tell you that I know I am a Daughter of God. I know that Heavenly Father loves me (whether I realize it or not), I know that the Book of Mormon is true, I know that the atonement exists and I know that it works. A scripture that I really like is found in 2 Nephi 26: 28 "Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay: but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden." I wish that when I was at Hill Cumorah Pageant I would have known this because I remember there was a lady who specifically asked if she thought we were better than others, oh if only I had known this scripture.
This scripture is so powerful just by word, Alma 60:22 "Yea, will ye sit in idleness while ye are surrounded with thousands of those, yea, and tens of thousands, who do also sit in idleness, while there are thousands round about in the borders of the land who are fallen by the sword, yea, wounded and bleeding?" When I read this, I think about today's world. What happens to a car when it comes to a stop at a red light? It idles. That car has great potential to go the distance, so to speak, and so it is with me. I have the potential for greatness, but when I idle, I don't go anywhere. Now think about the people who don't have the truth. A lot of them are addicted to porn, swear, do drugs...the list is endless really! They are fallen by a sword of destruction and they are bleeding and wounded and need our help. Now look at that scripture again (to avoid hypocrisy I will merely just write this as if I am writing this to myself because honestly, I idle a lot). Will I sit in idleness while there are many who also sit in idleness and are spiritually suffering? Am I really just going to sit here, in my comfy chair, and do nothing? I think that scripture is inspires me to bear my testimony, to go out of my comfort zone, to bear others burdens, to open my mouth and procalim this gospel because there are many who are fallen by the sword. Food for thought I suppose.