Saturday, December 22, 2012

Ice demon

Did I ever tell you the time I defeated an ice demon?  My squire, Dallin, came along to confuse the dragon with his randomness.  Dallin tried to do a random dance move he never attempted before...the distraction wasn't enough.  Bongo, I've decided to name the dragon Bongo, could not believe he had missed a step and was not distracted at all.  Then it was me, Bongo, and the blistering cold.  I fought my hardest to slay the dragon and threw my sword at Bongo.  Let's not get dramatic my sword didn't hit it however it did scare him off.  The dragon flew away and his tail knocked me to the ground.  My cheek was sore for a while but at least I caused the town to be safe for now at least.
Ha ha lol.  I was coming home from a party early so I could study for tomorrow's test.  Dallin and I were goofing off sliding down ice.  I fell and hit my left cheek (it was a pretty epic fall if I do say so myself...I did a full 180 twist and face planted the sidewalk).  Dallin and some random person (thank you random person) helped me get home.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Post Traumatic Stress

Slowly I'm finally becoming okay with being labeled as having post traumatic stress.  I've been through a lot of extreme situations.  The more that I learn about it the more that I understand myself a bit better and why I do the things that I do.  I want to share an email I received regarding the tragic shooting that occurred recently.  I hope this brings awareness that post traumatic stress is real and it can have some intense effects on kids as well as adults.  I also hope that by bringing awareness to this someone somewhere will be greatly benefited one day.
"It is not uncommon for children (and adults) of all ages to experience features of acute or post-traumatic stress, even for those who witness the event remotely through media. The key features include: remembering, emotional numbing (for post-traumatic stress), and arousal. For remembering, many kids will have frightening flashbacks, or sometimes in younger children vague images of horror that they cannot describe. These images may interrupt sleep or intrude into the day. Some kids will react by regressed behavior such as clinging, and it is just fine to keep them close and allow this. After all, they need to feel attached! For other kids, they may shut down and avoid contact. While parents should not force physical contact, they should not leave them alone, but stay close, and try to engage them in playful and caring ways.
Many children and adults will demonstrate signs of “arousal” such as rapid heartbeat; feelings of panic or “impending doom”; rapid breathing, nausea, sweating. This is the “fight or flight” response well known in situations of extreme danger. It may, in fact, come on in response to thinking about such an event. Some kids will not be able to sleep, and want to be with their parents. This is one situation when bringing them into the bedroom, either into bed, or setting up a cot is called for. For others, sleeping together in a common room may work. The important thing is to stay close.
In the next few days to weeks some younger children may “re-enact” the event through play. They may play out games of shootings, people getting hurt, dying or taken to the hospital. Such play in younger children is normal and should be allowed, though it is really hard for many adults to tolerate it! But the important point is that kids work out their emotional conflicts through playing. This is a healthy response and assists their coping.
For younger children, turn off the TV! Remember, they may think the images and videos that are going to be continually covered by the media may mean these things are happening over and over. It may also increase their emotional distress, just as it will certainly increase the reactions of adults."
Granted this email was regarding to the tragic shooting however it is still has good information about PTS, post traumatic stress.  My heart goes out to those families who have suffered from this event and will suffer from this event.  I hope somehow they find comfort through these difficult times. 

Monday, December 17, 2012

Family matters

Regardless of what has happened in my life and regardless of how messed up my family is they are always there for me.  I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to feel wanted by so many different people, how many times my heart has been broken when a friend would leave or I'd have to leave a friend.  I can't tell you  how many times someone has broken my heart but I can tell you that my family wants to be there for me through it all.  Now they are super clingy with their affection but in a way that's comforting to me; people want my attention.  So that's my ultimate Christmas gift this year, the gift of being wanted.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

You deserve happiness!

Have you ever felt like you didn't deserve happiness?  Like everyone around you is entitled to happiness except you?  Well that is a vicious, destructive lie!  If our bodies are really temples shouldn't we treat our insides or how we feel about ourselves just as important as our outsides?  I think that everyone at some point or another feels this way.  I know that lately I've felt very much this way; that I just don't deserve happiness because others don't want me to be happy.  I like the analogy of our bodies being temples.  For those of you who don't know what a temple is it is a house of the Lord where sacred ordinances are performed.  These ordinances allow the Lord's work to continue for the living as well as the deceased.  Something that is very interesting about temples is it is treated with the highest respect.  If you look at any temple you will see how clean it is.  The inside of a temple is clean as well.  Why?  Because they know that the work that takes place inside is sacred.  They know the value and worth of a temple.  We are glorious beings who are capable of so much.  We are all worth something.  We are all beautiful.  Sometimes it's difficult to see that past whatever may be going on at the time.  Nevertheless it's true.
Everyday I learn something new.  It may be something small but everyday I learn.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Once Again

I recall my first winter semester at BYU Idaho.  Since we didn't have cleaning inspections the apartment was always dirty.  People don't want to do things unless they have to.  I cleaned.  I would clean until 4 AM if I had to.  Each morning I would wake up around 11 to head off to class only to find that the apartment was filled with the same mess I spent hours on the previous night.  It was stunning how fast the place could get so filthy!  Every night I cleaned again still.  My roommates never knew, they still don't know just how much work I put into that apartment.  One day I caught the flu from another roommate and stopped cleaning after everybody.  I cleaned up only after myself only from that time on.  Soon afterwards my roommates decided we needed to have a group meeting.  Thankfully someone pitched the idea that we should read scriptures before.  It helped tremendously with calming people down however there was still tension.  I stayed quiet and observed the other's behaviors.  Everyone of them that brought forth an idea had one motive behind it: what can I get from all of this?  It's sad to think that people only want to do nice things to get something in return.  Years later, present time, I find myself doing the exact same thing.  Staying up late at night cleaning after people.  Thing is this time I've learned my lesson.  It's not how many hours spent cleaning or the sacrifice that it takes to do so but the heart that is poured into it.  The Savior taught that what we do to the least of our brethren we do to Him.  So I'm staying up late again to clean for people who might not even recognize I stayed up late cleaning but I'll know and He'll know.  Best part of it all is the peace that I feel when I do these kinds of things for others.  I'm not going to get a plaque for this.  I'm not going to get cookies or a trophy but I will get peace from knowing that I'm doing what the Savior would do.  I'm going to feel His love.  I'm going to draw closer to my Savior.  That's good enough for me.  :)

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Desiring more

I honestly didn't think this internship that I've taken could change me so much.  I'm beginning to know what I really want in life and to see things with clearer perception.  For the first time in my life I'm beginning to say "not good enough."  I'm beginning to want more and to expect more from myself.  Many Sundays I've had to go without church.  A few months ago I would have been grateful for that but not anymore.  It bothers me that I can't go.  It's not good enough that I can't go.  I want to go to church.  I want to take the sacrament.  The Lord has also blessed me with a desire to get married one day.  I use to talk about how miserable that would make my life and how much I didn't want to have children.  Now I see how that would make me happy one day.  I'm also learning about the changes I need to make in my life and how I can't let fear run my life.  I'm coming to see that the only person any of us can really rely on is the Lord.  There's a difference between trusting people and relying on someone.  I'm learning to turn to the Savior more and trusting more in His grace.  I'm also coming to see the difference between light and dark (in a spiritual sense).  If we put our trust in His light it chases away any darkness.  Sometimes our decisions put us in the dark but the Lord can take us out of the darkness in the light if we let Him.  It requires changing our decisions but it's possible.  I didn't do anything huge or serious but I didn't make the greatest decision a while back.  I'm beginning to see just how it effected my life.  I'm learning to walk away from things that make me eternally miserable.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Just a little bit further

Summer has been rough.  For some reason they always seem to be rough for me in some way or another.  I feel so blessed to have patient friends who cared about me enough to really pull me through everything.  I feel so blessed that there are so many people that want the best for me.  Today I was on the verge of giving up hope and surrendering my self confidence yet again (I told you this summer was rough :P )  I think that tends to happen when we forget that good things are yet to come.  Sometimes we need that reminder, actually, I think we constantly need that reminder.  Good things are yet to come.

Anyways, next week I'll be an official Disney employer.  :D  After months of preparation of this it's hard to believe that it's already here.  All I have to do is keep preparing and hang in there for 8 more days.  If you couldn't tell I'm very excited about this!  :D

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Family is Forever

Lately I've been thinking about families and how they should be the most important thing in our life. Why? Because they will always be there. Friends may come and go but family will always be there. For many years I've been pushing my family out of my life and it's taken a long time to realize that. My grandma stopped sending me things, my uncle doesn't talk to me, and I don't visit for Thanksgiving anymore. I haven't been to one of my family's Thanksgiving for 2 years. I realize now that anyone is capable of hurting someone, even the ones that we love, but in the end we know they aren't perfect and we know that we love them We should forgive, forget, and move on from those experiences instead of letting the past consume our lives.

That's my little sister Kim. She's the most amazing person I can think of. We spend so much time together that's she's become a wonderful friend of mine. It's the one relationship with my family that I truly feel is mine. I'm working on getting to relationships with my other family members so it can be similar to the one I have with Kim but I know that it won't happen overnight and it won't happen without a lot of hard work.

 Do you have any experiences where you've struggled with your family? What are some of your favorite family moments?

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A tribute to A&B

I have lived at A&B apartment my entire college experience. It no longer exists! In memory and honor here are some of my memories. I don't have too many but I do have some. I say this because I was rarely at my apartment. -Nacho libre nights with chips and salsa at the end of every semester -Dance parties at the end of every semester with just the girls at the apartment -The quote wall where I always seemed to have the most quotes (I remember getting a text from a guy who walked me home...that was not the highlight of my life!) -Buddy the dog. He always seemed to bit guys (I remember he bit one of my dates). -The time my roommates did the Waka Waka in the kitchen. -Merritt's obsession with veins! -Getting so many roommates who could speak SPANISH! -The conversations about boys...holy cow! -Watching random videos on the internet. -The kissing arch (I will admit, I've only used it once ha ha) -The kitchen always being a mess! -Ninja Becky...we hardly saw her. -Coming back right at curfew practically every night :D -My butt dances and yes they were EPIC! Every time I opened the fridge I would dance. -NO CLEAN CHECKS! That's right, the owner actually trusted us to clean our apartment. -That time we all received nicknames...I can't remember mine sorry. -How the fire alarm always went off when we cooked...the alarm was near the stove. Smart right? -Coming and going to lots of dances. I broke many hearts every time I left my apartment. I always left saying "well, it's time to break some hearts." -My cooking...ha ha ha another epic thing. Spaghetti salsa oh yum! -Michele...ah, words don't describe Michele she's just really out there. -Evening prayers -Everybody going to bed early while I stayed up til like 2 or 3 AM -Getting one of my roommate's to lick her mashed potatoes as well as capturing a photo of her piling on the pizza at the Pizza Pie Cafe (I can't remember the original name) -Going through break ups...guys when it's over just know you have been replaced with ice cream :D -Eating an entire container of ice cream in less than 24 hours...oh yeah, I did it -Taking showers in the smallest shower ever invented! -Labeling the bathroom as the chamber of secrets ha ha ha ha

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Moving away

There comes a point in everyone's life when a person has to grow up and leave home. Sometimes this also means turning down money and receiving little help from family. That's what I'm going to do soon. It's hard and I already feel the pressure and it hasn't even happened yet. I realize that I can't become who I need to become if I'm tied down to my parents. I have also realized some other things which I do not feel obligated to include in this post. I have to start letting go and living like an adult. I'm scared and worried about how this is going to turn out but I know it'll be for the best. I will have to rely on the Lord a lot and I'll have to turn to my real friends a lot for emotional support but even if I wasn't going through this I would have to do that anyways. And it's not so much that I have to but that I want to. I understand that I might have to sell some valuable things of mine to accomplish this but any sacrifice I have to make I'm willing to make them. Somethings are more important than having something of worldly value. Life has taught me that.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Not like my her

I had often contemplated if I was given a circumstance that wasn't right for me to be in would I have the courage to say no. Yes, yes I would. I can say that now. :D

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Ladybug candy

I was tired of being inside for so long that I decided to step outside for a little bit. I checked the mail and just hung outside just to be outside. As I was standing I looked at one house across from my house and it triggered a fond memory of mine. This lady who once smoked before she passed away would tell me stories. Afterwards she gave me chocolate. The outside of the wrapper was in the form of a ladybug. I know it's cheesy but sometimes some of the simplest memories are the best ones.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Within Innocence Chapter 1

I was between the ages of 3 and 6 when this happened. One day I went to a friend's house and she wanted to play in the water. I didn't bring my swimsuit so she let me borrow one of her bikinis. I remember sitting on the sidewalk wearing her bikini when my mom drove up. She saw me and instantly began screaming at me. I felt so bad that I vowed I would never wear a bikini again. I must say that I have kept to that ever since then.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012


Sometimes rough tides wash up on our shores. But they weren't designed to control but to learn to let what comes and love it. Sometimes we forget that what we have on our own shores is bliss. It's not about desiring for more than we have, it's about being grateful for the things that we do have. Life is wonderful, that should never be forgotten! While we may not have everything we want we have enough. Look for the bright side to every situation and you would be amazed at how rich life truly is! I chose to call this post S.M.I.L.E. for a Heavenly purpose. The scriptures instruct us to S.M.I.L.E. or to be Spiritually Minded Is Life Eternal, S.M.I.L.E. One of the best ways that we can smile is simply by being grateful for what we have. Remember to S.M.I.L.E.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Stress Begone: Real Ideas That Kill Stress!

Life brought you down? It happens to the best of us at some point or another. These tips are designed to reduce stress and build confidence again.

1) Remove yourself from facebook. It is so easy to waste time on that website. Taking yourself off of it you'll find that there is so much time to accomplish the day's tasks.

2) Clean/organize something in your house. Little do we realize that seeing messes actually creates internal tension. Cleaning becomes loads of fun with Disney songs.

3) Take a walk by yourself. Just walk somewhere slowly and observe nature. Think about all the things the Savior has blessed you with.

4) Stop being so self-absorbed! Being caught into yourself is self-deception #1. It may feel like it's grand at the time but give it a little bit and you'll realize just how miserable and lonely it really is. So serve, serve, serve. Listen to someone, hold the door for a stranger, bake cookies, help someone with their homework, stop by and visit someone at random, randomly give a note to someone/anyone; whatever you do just give yourself away through service. Become service oriented and it blesses lives (including yours).

5) SMILE! The scriptures even state to do so. "Spiritually Minded Is Life Eternal."

6) Exercise. Sitting around and doing nothing makes one miserable. We are like cars built with so much potential. When we sit and have the car running we are wasting our potential for no gain. It's a silly concept really!

7) Express your gratitude for the things you already have.

Hope these tips help! Enjoy getting rid of your stress, I know I did :D

Monday, February 6, 2012

There is a difference...



There is a difference between light and dark. Light is that which draws us closer to truth essentially bringing about a S.M.I.L.E. Dark is that which brings us closer to a lie essentially bringing about F.E.A.R.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Swinging doors

They say when one door closes another one opens. Still wondering how in the world I can go from crying over a guy to having two dates in one day practically over night. Last semester I fell for someone who I thought was absolutely perfect...he's not. We went on a few dates. How did that end? With a sorry but we should just be friends. AH! I could have absolutely died! I was crushed! Someone may as well have pushed me off the side of a mountain! So what did genius Keri do then? She decided that she wasn't going to take this anymore and started going for someone who just wasn't worth even a penny. Thankfully I have friends who looked after me during that time and somehow pulled me away from that. Remember that guy who I thought was just perfect? Let's just call him ab. So ab somehow found his way back in my life again. He invited me to go and hang out one night this semester. Hope shot through every inch of my body. Instantly I was thrilled and said yes. His sister was getting together a huge group to play volleyball. We were going to meet up at some lounge and all travel down and play some volleyball. I was the first there so I waited for everyone else. One of my friends actually came (I had no idea that she knew them). Next his sister and brother came. Not realizing that they were related I said something stupid. Ouch! No points for Keri! I did my best to not let that ruin things for after all I was about to see ab again. The night went on and then it hit me...I was the only person dressed up in sweats. A trigger went off in my head; why was I the only person dressed up to work out? I looked so stupid! Not only that but I had already made a fool out of myself by saying something ridiculous in front of his family. More or less I did my best to make the evening enjoyable but the second it was over I left. I ran home. After I got home I checked my phone and he had tried to call/text me that plans had changed. I was relieved that he had tried to tell me plans had changed but the fact that that still happened was awful! For a month I thought that he had changed his mind, I thought that he started thinking that he might want to date me. I fell for that trap yet again. He didn't. I can't help but feel like my emotions were tossed in the air like a child playing with a bouncy ball. How did I find this out? I had a friend somewhere upstairs from where he lives who asked ab if he had taken interest in any girls right now. He didn't. I can't believe I was that stupid! Thankfully my roommate was patient and talked with me for an hour and a half. She gave me hope again that I had lost.
The very next day she started talking with her brother. Somehow I wound up with two dates in one day: one to make sure my roommate and some guy get together while the other I am being set up on a blind date. Not only that but it also almost seems like guys now are falling left and right, head over heels just to get a date with me...ME! Wow, I never would have seen that coming!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Twists and turns

Last night my computer decided to die. That's right, it's dead. I've had that laptop for almost two years now and the other night it finally has decided to die on me. Right in the middle of the semester. In a way it is now a blessing for me in the sense that I now have more time to do my studying and cleaning my apartment. On the downside it also means that my social life is diminished some. I also found out last night that this guy that I had liked for a while now doesn't have any feelings for me. That was hard to accept. I'm working through it though and doing my absolute best to not let it get to me.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Where has my heart/head led me this time?

I don't know what to think lately. Each path seems to have a dead end. I turn around, wander down another road, and find yet another dead end. I wonder when I will find the road I wish to travel down. I do not envy those who have found their road and are on it right now but I do wish I could also be on my road. I know that I can't turn back from where I once was but that's it. The only lead I have to my future life is that I must progress...progression the wonderfully confusing thing. I've also wondered where my heart has led me and why it has led to dead ends and winding roads only to have to turn around and find a different path. Who knows why this really happens it just does! It's not miserable though; I have plenty of friends, good times, peaceful moments, and laughter to fill my life with happiness and bliss. I'm also getting a good chance to see people for their good qualities. It makes life a wonderful, not complete, but wonderful, joyful experience.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Ice and sidewalks

Tonight I went out with some friends. We went sledding, ice skating, and then back to a friend's place where we drank hot chocolate and had a great time. I wanted to get back in time to study for my exam so I left a little early. A good friend of mine (thankfully he came with me) decided to walk me home. I'm okay with guys walking me home especially since I feel safe around them. We were walking along laughing, cracking jokes, and just having a great time. I had this idea (bad idea) to race him. I was joking that I was going faster than he was. The sidewalks were icy and slippery, very slippery. We ice skated down them anyways. At some point I fell. No, I didn't just fall I slammed into the sidewalk. I crashed on my left cheek and for a split second saw a speck of white light. I was conscious but did not want to move. My cheek was in pain and my body was shaking. I wanted to cry but couldn't. My friend kept asking me if I was okay, if I could move, to stand up...stuff like that. It hurt in a shocking way that I just curled up in a ball for a tad. Then I turned over and asked him if my cheek was bleeding. It was. The cheekbone of my face was bleeding. He kept wanting to get me up but I kept not wanting to move. A car came by and some guy offered to give us a lift. Eventually he was able to get me to get up and he helped me get into the car. He was kind enough to pick up what I had dropped as well. I was still shaking the entire time. During the car ride I sparked a conversation with the driver. It was odd and I don't think my responses were all that great but it passed the time. Once he drove me to my house my friend helped me downstairs and into my apartment. He made sure I was okay before leaving and let me know that he was always there if I ever needed help. Then he joked around and told me not to die. Before too long he was gone. I cleaned my wound and sat down still shaking and in pain. I took it easy and didn't study for my exam (the reason I had left early). Of course I went on facebook and people asked if I was okay and such. I was very grateful for friends who looked after me and who are always there should I need them. Honestly I think I was watched over tonight. It could have been a lot worse than what it already was.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Recognizing the past, desiring the future.

The previous night I was in a conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking about the Book of Mormon. I mentioned how I had a hard time reading it because I tend to get lazy and procrastinate or that I am so busy with my daily events I brush it to the side. In my religion class today my teacher taught us that false prophets and people claiming false doctrines would come and it would be so easy to stray away from the truth. He mentioned that even the elect would fall away and that the only ones who would remain on the paths were the ones who treasured up the word of God. I started thinking of my friend who has fallen away from the principles of the gospel. It's scary to think that that could happen to me. That I could be spiritually blinded and not even realize that I have been. The only thing that can prevent this is to treasure up the word of God. My religion teacher gave me the motivation to read my scriptures. Why would I want to put myself into any position where I could deny truth? It just doesn't make any sense not to. I know that I won't be perfect right off the bat; this will take some time to remove old habits and to replace them with better ones. I do think that in the end it will be worth it.

Monday, January 16, 2012

You are loved

Sometimes I think everyone needs that reminder. I went to the grocery store today. Usually I can manage to get home but today I couldn't. As I was walking home my ears felt colder than usual. I was already so hungry that holding heavy items was practically a stupid idea for me. As I was walking I kept praying for a miracle. I said a silent prayer in my head that someone would come by, pick me up, and take me home. I kept spilling off those prayers in my head. Every car that came by I asked myself if that was my miracle. After walking home halfway home I started just praying that I would have the strength to get home. A car took a right turn after it was safe for me to cross I crossed. I saw the car take a u-turn but I kept walking. The driver rolled down the window and said something incredible; "do you need a ride?" Yes, yes I desperately needed a ride. I turned around said that I did. Once I got in the car two guys who were so kind asked me where I lived. I told them and they took me home. They helped me take my groceries inside my apartment. I am so grateful that the Lord answered my prayers when He did and that they came when they did.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Rubbing off

I've had Merritt as a roommate for 3 semesters now. For the longest time she had been the roommate I just didn't want to talk to much but always ended up talking to. I can't remember when she started thanking me for cleaning stuff but every time she saw me cleaning something she always thanked me. Her example must have rubbed off on me because I found myself self-consciously thanking her for taking out the garbage today. I also have noticed that I listen better to people. I found myself wanting to talk more to her and listen to her more. She's actually a pretty cool person! She was making food for dinner and I saw that she was eating something with cheese in it. I was so inspired to make a cheese sandwich. She offered me some hot dog meat to go with it but I politely said no thanks.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

A real friend

I am so silly, so so silly. I bottle all of my pains and sorrows until I snap. I have a few reasons why I do this though I don't think it's best to blog them at this time. Today was one of those days that I snapped. Why? Because I saw an old friend I no long consider a's hard enough knowing we aren't friends but seeing her really put everything into pain. I think both of us did/said somethings to each other that really hurt both of us. She saw me, I know she did but it was as if we never met. That was hard. I tried to avoid venting so I became awkward for the rest of the day. Then I broke down, three times. They were all there for me but the first couple of times I couldn't help feeling like I was loosing more friends. The last friend I vented to I felt I wasn't loosing that friend. He joked around and tried to put me into a better mood but he also listened. That helped! I didn't feel like baggage I felt like a real person. Honestly I really needed that right then. I hope that I didn't bring him down. It is a comfort and a blessing to have friends who are like that. It is a blessing to have friends who won't judge me or stop being my friend because I'm struggling and I can't take stuff anymore. That is what a real friend is like.