Divine Intervention

I started to become a downer after returning to college from an awesome weekend with some friends. Things became really hard! I had a lot of negativity running through my head and I started to act like a downer. Last night I was trying to work on homework (gave into the temptation of being on facebook again) when I started to feel like I had a fever. Typically I'm right about these feelings, so I went to bed really early last night. I didn't get much sleep because my roommate kept coming in and out. She was really loud, but I'm so glad she was. I had been going to bed really late and waking up really early so it taught me what she put up with this semester. It made me want to work harder so she doesn't have to put up with that anymore. Today I started thinking about going home and not going home again. So many thoughts kept coming through as usual about this. I remembered being at my friend's house and watching the Testament. I remember at one part the little girl wanted her brother to stay. It reminded me of my little sister and I just cried. It was then that I really felt like I had to go home, but I'm stupid and wanted to get both sides. Anyways I remembered a quote from Thomas S. Monson who quoted William Shakespeare who said "they do not love that do not show their love." It made me want to go and view the video online. I watched it and in it Thomas S. Monson said "never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved". That softened my heart so much! He was right! While I am trying to avoid an argument, which is a great thing, I shouldn't let that become more important than being with my family or showing my love for them. I still don't agree with anything my mom said!

I know that Jesus is the Christ. I know that sometimes He puts people and ideas in our way to help us grow and soften our hearts. I'm so glad that He did that for me this week!

He Cares

Recently I have mentioned that I wasn't going home for Christmas. My mom became frustrated because she was having a hard time finding a time for me to come home to the point that she thought arguing would bring me home. I did everything to avoid an argument, but came to the conclusion that that wouldn't be possible. Some of the things she said still hurt. We had come too far for me to argue anymore. I don't want that to happen to us again! I began talking to some people to get some ideas on whether or not I should go home to that or stay out here. Either way it is a hard decision for me to make because either way I know that I will come out hurt. I received both sides, yes I should and no I shouldn't. To be honest I'm still not sure what to do, but I really liked something that one of my friend said. He told me to be for the idea one day and against it the next and write down feelings and impressions of both days. I tried to but everytime I did I found myself even more depressed about the situation than I was before. Now don't get me wrong he gave great advice! I trust my friend with my life, but because of the tenderness of the situation it was almost impossible to do. I told him about that and he gave me more great advice. I'm still trying to follow his advice because I do trust him. I'm doing better now, but I am still having a hard time keeping my emotions and hurt feelings out of the way to make the best decision.

I was still having a hard time today. Somehow there is this one guy on campus who is around when I need someone the most. He doesn't mean to be nor does he know that he helps me out a lot, but he does. I met him my first week out here and we became really good friends since. I don't see too much of him on campus, but I know he is around. Anyways I ran into him today as I was on my way home. He was behind me. We didn't have too much to talk about this time because we were both out of it and didn't really have too much to say. It wasn't much but being able to be around one of my friends made me happier. I was so grateful for my Heavenly Father for him crossing my path today.

Not only that but a leaf fell just in front of me...just one. It reminded me of a story a friend told me. I laughed because it reminded me of that and because that friend is practically my twin.

I know that Heavenly Father does care about all of His children. I know that by small and simple means are great things come to pass (see the Book of Mormon). I am so glad for all the people He has placed in my path.

Power of Prayer

Many times while I have been out here I have felt lost and like my Heavenly Father left me alone out here. It felt like He was answering so few of my prayers, but He was only answering them in His way. Sometimes I think He wouldn't answer my prayers the way I wanted Him to answer them because that wasn't the best option for me. He is trying to teach me that I need to grow and learn with Him there as well as without recognizing He is there. Sometimes my answer will be obvious and sometimes it won't be. Recently He has answered one of my prayers. Through one of His servants I was able to be reminded that He is willing to answer my prayers and that He still does answer them. I was so grateful that He had reminded me of that because it was something that I needed to know. I wish I would have been reminded in a different way, but the Lord works in mysterious ways at times. Nevertheless, I am thankful for the reminder that my prayers are not only heard but also answered.

Recently I was around some of my friends. We hung out and had a good time, but I couldn't help but feel like I wasn't happy. I prayed more than once that I would be able to be happy for them. After a while I finally felt like I was being happy and doing my job. One of them I really enjoyed talking to because I could see the light of Christ so clearly in that person. It was a joy talking to that person! I would love to carry on more conversations with that person! I ended up having a wonderful time and making a couple of friends in the process. It was great! Through the power of the Holy Ghost I was able to feel happy enough to serve by being a friend. It was wonderful!
I am so grateful for those opportunities to grow spiritually. I know that my Heavenly Father was there for me in my little times of distress when I needed Him. I am so glad that He is still there for me.

I-clicker

I started to get depressed about things that were going on and I know that that is Satan trying to lead me down dark alleys. In defense I am writing this blog post at 12:19 AM.

Today I was more in tuned with the Spirit. I would say that today went well with that. I lost my I-clicker which I needed to take a quiz on. I keep losing things out here. I was tempted to get angry and frustrated and make a huge scene to get my roommates to help me, but instead I chose to keep calm about it. One of my roommates actually ended up helping me look for it a little. Time was running out and I had to find that I-clicker fast. I was again tempted to pitch a fit, but instead remained calm and kept looking. I finally chose to kneel down and pray for guidance to find it. I asked Him to help me and I put my faith in Him. I had a place in my mind of where it would be before I prayed as well as after (as if He was telling me He was there, but was waiting for a stronger thought when I prayed). I went there and sure enough there was my I-clicker. I was able to walk to class on time and not have to worry about my chest (I've been having some issues with my chest...but its okay now). I was so grateful for my Heavenly Father. He was with me helping me.

I know that I let Him down for some of the things I said later on concerning some of His children, but its an area that I need to improve on. I am not yet perfect, but that is no excuse for giving up or failing. I still have to improve my communication with my Heavenly Father as well as many others, but I'm not giving up. I realize some of my flaws, not all but some, and have a base on what I need to improve on. I know that through the power of the atonement and through Jesus Christ this is possible. I just have to take that first step of faith.
I know that Jesus is the Christ and has given up His life for people like me who make many mistakes to give us a chance to go back home. I know that He lives and He loves me.

Haunted House

Last night I watched a movie with some friends. Personally I don't like that movie because it reminds me of something that makes me so mad. I had gotten over this a long time ago, but watching that movie made me so mad! I talked to a couple of my roommates about it when we were home. I was still pretty ticked! While I was talking my roommates about it one my roommates told me that I should be a missionary. It was kindof random, but it is a good thought. After a long, long talk with my roommate (one of them ended up going to bed) we finally went to bed. She told me to pray about something. I think I did. I didn't get my answer yet, but the Lord saw fit to tell me something I needed to hear through a dream.

In my dream my roommate Liz and I were inside a haunted house (mind you I don't like scary things especially haunted houses and scary films...I really don't like scary things). I remember that there were a bunch of monsters running around scaring people. I walked around a bit and then realized that I wanted out. I discovered that there was a place on the floor that if you sat down on they wouldn't notice you. I remember someone inside telling me that. I sat down and started reading my scriptures. It chased the darkness away and I was able to find my way out.

To me the interpretation was that the way out of fear and places I finally realize I don't want to be in is to read the scriptures. In the dream there was a place on the floor that if I sat down on I wouldn't be harmed. I think this means that I have to humble myself and bring myself to a point where He can teach me things through the Book of Mormon. Only then can He protect me from those monsters that threaten me in any haunted house. After that I can find my way out by following the light.

I am so glad that my Heavenly Father reminded me of this! I am so glad that a loving Father was so kind enough to tell me something I needed to hear in a kind way. I bear my testimony that He lives and He will draw near unto us if we draw near unto Him.

Pressing forward

Lately I have run into the worst luck! My shelf broke, my top drawer is breaking, I made a 45 on my 1st math exam, my classes are really hard, the list is endless really...During all this I found myself falling into that same person I have been working so hard to change. Yes, I began to look for the negatives and looking to complain. I started forgetting to look for the positives and press forward with faith and love. I started putting off my scripture readings and sincerly praying to my Heavenly Father. I started forgetting to thank Him for all that I have as it is. Oh sure I would read one scripture and pray asking for help but I wouldn't invest myself into my scriptures or my prayers because of time. My Heavenly Father still tried to speak to me during this time. Everytime I would just read one random scripture and most of the time it talked about sinning and the need for repentance. Few times would it actually speak something happy. I remember a few nights ago when I was reading one random scripture my random scripture was one where Christ spoke of trying to revive His vineyard once more. It was as if Christ was telling me that He wasn't giving up on me and He was going to take a different approach because obviously just telling me to repent wasn't going to work. He did! I made a 45 on my math exam. He wouldn't help me out on my exam. Now don't get me wrong, I believe that if I was doing my part He would be more than willing to help me as far as my preparation allowed me.
So instead of sitting on my hope chest (like I've started to do) I choose to move on with my life. I am choosing to take these experiences and either make them better or find the positives in them. I am also going to choose to take ten minutes out of everyday, at least, to read my scriptures. To really read them and listen to what I need to hear. Maybe this time I will earn words of comfort instead of words of warning. I choose to continue to change and to progress forward with faith. I don't want to become that same person I was months ago. Even after many months have passed away I still can't get the frustration and sadness out of my mind! So I choose to press on and move forward even if I can't do much right now.

Watching examples

My first week out here in college someone I knew very well died. I can honestly say that I didn't see that one coming. Its odd how that sortof thing works though. I still can't believe that he's dead. In my mind he's alive and back home with his family, but he's not. I guess the news will really sink in when I come home and that entire family has moved away. Anyways I recently talked to my mom about that family and how they are doing. They are doing fine. They aren't letting this experience disable them spiritually. It seems that they are clinging to the gospel more in their time of need. I just thought that was really amazing!
About a week or so ago I was struggling big time adjusting into the college life. I am still adjusting however it has become much better than it was. I ended up breaking down and crying at 2 AM. I went into one of my roommates' room and started crying. She pulled me out of the room, so as not to wake up the other roommate, and talked with me. She gave me helpful advice and I wound up following it. I received my second priesthood blessing which is the maximum I am allowing myself to get at this time.
Many months ago one of my friends realized that I was struggling with some things. He has a prayer list where he prays for a bunch of people (sorry, but thats the best way for me to explain it). He put my name on that list. I heard about that from a different fried of mine. That meant the world to me! I really liked what my friend was doing and followed his example for a little bit.
Speaking of examples this reminds me of Christ. He never forgot anyone. When the multitude were hungry He fed them, when the sick came to Him He healed them, when the sinner came to Him He healed them, and when the child came He blessed them.
After watching Thomas S. Monson's talk today I wanted to express my gratitude for all those wonderful examples. There are of course many others that I know I haven't mentioned in this blog, but because there were so many I chose only a few. In my opinion these are some of my blessings.