Learning

Oh how blind I can be sometimes. A guy liked me over the summer. At first I didn't want to like him but began to. I began to like him a lot but honestly I liked the fact that he would say kind things to me. I found out that he is not the kind of person I want to be with. I do feel stupid that I allowed myself to fall for someone who was not my prince that could bring me to my castle (or in other words he is not my knight in shining armor ready to take me to the temple). At the same time I feel wiser and much more trusting in the Lord. Everything I went through was not a complete loss but rather a learning experience. I can choose to walk away from this with more faith and trust in the Lord or I can allow myself to become in a state of misery. Personally I choose to learn from all this and become a better person because of it. I like what David Archuleta once sang about, "I could give up, I could stay stuck, or I could move on so I put one foot in front of the other no no nothing's gonna break my stride. I keep climbing gonna keep fighting until I make it to the other side of down..." It is so true. I am so grateful that I am able to learn and grow from this experience.

Homesick sometimes

Sometimes I just miss home. I can't help but think about summer days sitting outside of my house in the heat watching cars drive by. I can't help but think about the cotton fields, deep southern accents, spending time with my dad or my little sister, having dinners with my grandparents, and oh the food! How I miss the food! I just miss the environment I grew up around. Sometimes I wish I could combine my new life with a bit of the old. That would be perfect! I don't mean to complain about anything, life is good. It's just sometimes you miss home a bit. I am so grateful for the opportunities I have had to live where I did, even though it wasn't perfect.

Overcoming rather than being overcome

I've noticed lately how many times in my life I have limited my capacities. There are many times when I would refuse to be open minded. Point is I found out that I would stop my growth as a person and as a daughter of God when I would do so. I wanted to not date anymore so I could stop feeling hurt and other emotions associated with dating. After one talk in General Conference I knew that I needed to start dating. The second I made this decision peace came. I can keep moving towards my goals in life in the meantime while I wait for a normal date. I know now that by not dating I cannot become like my Heavenly Father because in order to become like Him I need to have a family of my own. One of the beginning steps to this is dating.

Let me put my perspective on this using an analogy. Think of life as one big hike up a mountain. We are given some basic instructions about how to stay safe, where to go, and broad knowledge of how to get there. We are let loose to find a way to get up the mountain. Along the way we get bits and pieces of information about what to do, which path to take, and what to avoid. Imagine you were just given a small direction of a specific turn to take. You look at it and the trail seems impossible to go up. You stop. You'll say something like, "I'm not going up that way, it scares me." Maybe you've even said, "I've had bad experiences before with paths like this. I've learned my lesson." Maybe you even said, "No." You refuse to go any further up the mountain. This is just like life. In the pre-existence we were given some knowledge and basic instructions and given the opportunity to become like our Heavenly Father. We start the trail. Sometimes we are given directions and told to go this way or that way. What if we look up the mountain and say, "I'm not going up that way, it scares me" or "I've had bad experiences before with paths like this. I've learned my lesson" or even "no." What happens then? We stop. We no longer gain anything but stay where we are. My friend Braden has a wonderful philosophy which goes along quite well with this. He said, "if you do what you have always done you will get what you have always gotten." I think it is important to be open minded about things that the Lord says, regardless of what has happened or what could happen or anything else for that matter.

I have been trying very hard to keep an open mind about what the Savior wants me to do in my life. Sometimes I want to say I can't. I know that for every I can't He is telling me I can.

Sometimes

I was at FHE tonight. It was a lot of fun! I met some awesome people and had loads of great times! We started to talk about families and strengthening our lives. I enjoyed the lesson a lot! I made a few comments myself. There came a point when I felt inadequate and lost like I did in high school. All those old feelings started to come back. I suppose it happens that people lose confidence in themselves when thinking about terrible times. Thinking about it I wonder why a daughter of God (me) would allow herself to think this way? I'm not the same person anymore and I've confronted so many things that have held me back. I understand that I am not perfect. I think Satan is aware that I have accomplished so much and is trying very hard to stop me in my tracks. Yes, it is very important for someone to have self-confidence. I'm not letting it stop me from accomplishing what I want to achieve in this life and certainly not the next. So yeah, from time to time I won't feel the best about myself, it happens, but I won't let it stop me! I know who I am and I know where I've come from. I am a daughter of God. He has a plan for me as He does for you. I have faith that through Him anything is possible, I just have to believe that it is ;)

I'm trying

I have been avoiding dating this semester. Personally all I wanted to do was serve people. I want to become a physical therapist and travel the world volunteering and helping people recover. The Lord has other plans for me; plans I want to put off and maybe even not do. I was listening to general conference and my question was answered...I need to date this semester. I'm still struggling with this because personally I don't want to date. I just want to hang out with friends, get my schoolwork done, and become a physical therapist. Those are my goals right now. I am trying to not be so close minded about this new change because I've noticed when I would be close minded about this topic I would have problems with the gospel. Why? My assumption is that I placed myself into a position where I can't receive revelation because I turned myself off to hearing the Lord. I am happiest when I am serving the Lord. Otherwise I just get angry with life and myself.