Friends

I am actually writing this blog in response to one of my friend's blog. A lot of the things he mentioned in his blog really made me think (he always gets me to think). In his blog he said this:
"The thought at the beginnning of the meeting was about idleness. If Satan is going to get those of us who are strong in the gospel, he will use idleness. The way he will start is by getting us to be lax in our scripture study, and in our prayers. If we do slow down our study and our prayers, so to speak, we will lose a greater portion of the spirit."
It really got me thinking about how lazy I have been. Since I have been out here I haven't exactly been the prime example of what to do while at college...actually I wouldn't even go far as to say I am an example. I have been really lazy and panicky (if that is even a word). I have been putting aside my scripture reading, somewhat schoolwork, praying with real intent, resting, and even eating somewhat. I have been sitting here in idleness for a long time waiting until I started to get a hang of things before I was going to plan for my scripture readings. While I have been reading my scriptures for class and to keep up a promise I made years ago I haven't really tried to read and understand what they are telling me. While I was at a devotional someone spoke about when you put aside reading your scriptures you are putting aside Christ. That just sounds so wrong! I want to get better at setting apart a certain time in the day to read my scriptures and not just to get an A in my religion class, but to really read them to understand them on my own turfs. These were just a few thoughts that I had when I was reading my friend's blog.
I started thinking about how the Lord has been there for me these past two weeks. My friend, the one I quoted from his blog, does not know this but while I have been out here he has been helping me out a great deal. Let me try to explain this! I have gotten to know my friend to the point where whenever the Lord wants to tell me something through my thoughts He uses my friend. Let me give you an example of what I am trying to explain because I know that it doesn't make any sense from what I have written. On my first day or second day (I can't remember) I was having a hard time making friends. Actually I hadn't made any! I was walking around the gardens when this guy walked right past me. It was as if my friend (the one from the blog...keep up with me because I'm not putting out names) was there through my thoughts. I had the thought (exactly as my friend would say it) to go and talk to that guy. I didn't go at first, but then the thought came again, so I went up to that guy and asked him if he was lost...he wasn't. We started walking around campus and talking. We walked around campus at least three times! His name was very similiar to that of my friend (so in my head I laugh at that saying stuff like "oh so that's why you wanted me to talk to him") actually his name only changes by two letter...kindof freaky right? Anyways, we were walking and talking and joking around for about two hours. One of his friends called him and she joined us. We went over to Dominos (because she worked there) and we all chipped in and bought some pizza. We walked back to campus and ate some pizza on the grass. After about two more hours we all went our seperate ways. I had made a friend! The next day I still wasn't making any friends (we have a thing out here where the freshmen meet together in little groups and get to know each other and about the school). I still hadn't clicked with anyone in my group! I finally decided to make a better attempt to make friends. I succeeded! After that the friend I met around the gardens I saw very little of (because we just haven't run into each other much). I came to the point where I made many friends (I'm over at their houses a lot!). We have so much fun (but this is where the distraction I'm talking about comes into play because I love being around them and I enjoy it to the point where my time is gone). That friend who I quoted has been doing stuff like that ever since I've been out here.

The Lord has been looking out for me out here! I have been trying to save money to the point where I was practically living on Ramen noodles. I have lost weight to the point where one of my guy friends noticed (you know its obvious when a guy notices weight loss). I think it scared one of my roommates because one sunday morning (this past sunday) I decided to eat it for breakfast. She made me french toast that morning. Not only that but that same roommate wrote me out a schedule earlier this week because I have been having difficulty getting organized and planning out my daily schoolwork. She has been like a mother to me lately to help me get on my feet again, but she has also been a friend to me being there for me and hanging out with me! A couple of days ago things became so hard that I accidentally knocked over 8 of my perscribed pills (that was a rough estimate) and I just cried. I went into her room and just let everything out! She gave the idea that I should get another priesthood blessing (a couple of days ago I asked my roommate to ask someone to give me a priesthood blessing and I got one...that's the simplified version). I told her that I wasn't sure if I should get another one because I just got one two days beforehand. I thought about it and felt a sense of peace about it, so I went with that decision. That same day I went shopping with my roommate (she helped me out some) then a couple of our FHE leaders (she advised them because she said that they would be better because they were over us) showed up and gave me another blessing that was bore a second witness to the first blessing. Afterwards one of the guys stayed behind and to give me tips and even helped me out with some of my homework. I am so grateful for the priesthood!

I could go on forever telling stories of the marvelous things that the Lord has done for me while I have been out here, but considering time I will spare them for another day. I am very grateful for the things that He has done for me. I am grateful that He didn't give up on me even when I had given up on myself. I am grateful that He provided me with many friends who show me the way and uplift and inspire me. I am striving to do better while I am out here and I know that my Heavenly Father is with me each of the way! I want to deeply thank my friends for all the things they have done for me no matter how great or small they always help and mean something to me! I hope that when the time comes for me to do the same I will be able to help them out in whatever way it may be!

I know that my Heavenly Father loves me! I know that He is watching over me and taking care of me (even when I'm not eating right or sleeping...).

Can't believe

Being out here at college has been the most amazing experience of my life! I have tons of friends (which really surprised me, but its a good surprise not like...). College is a little too much fun which has led me to bad choices like saying something a little mean or staying up too late (try taking a 7:45-9:45 AM Book of Mormon class when you went to bed at 1:00 AM...can you spell hard?). I also went on my first date (surprised...yeah well it surprised me too, but mostly because I didn't know it was a date...I really didn't know I was on a date). I still can't believe that someone I knew very well died a little over a week ago. I've heard that it has really hurt their family and I don't like that at all because I really know and love that family. I am really glad I am not at home right now to witness this because I don't think I could take all the pain. Its hit me a little, but because I am away from home and the reality hasn't set in it really hasn't. I am still in the denial stage and in my mind its just a joke or it never happened. Their family is moving out of my ward because it hurts them a lot. I just want them to know that I deeply love that family! They are welcome to visit me in my apartment anytime!
Its mind boggling as to why the Savior allows these things to happen, but they happen. I believe that He knows what He is doing. I personally think that it was his time to leave this life because he was ready to go home and his work is done in this life. We all miss him and I bet he misses us as well. I can't really say much of anything to that family except to let them know that I'm there for them if they need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.
So college has been full of things that I just can't believe are happening. Now, I'm okay from all these things (for the most part...I'm still quite stressed out from college...). I don't want anyone who reads this to think that I'm doing just awful and miserable because a lot of the time I'm not (besides being behind in classes, sressed out, tired, and distracted). I am doing fine! I just can't believe all the things that have happened since I came out here!

Mistakes

Since I've been out here I have done some really stupid things! I became behind in my school work, said a lot of things that should have stayed in my thoughts, and I have not been faithfully reading my scriptures. I always read a verse a day, but it's not enough. Fun things have just been getting in the way of everything I need to accomplish. This is all very new to me! I haven't found that balance just yet. Not only that but things have been happening back home as well. I won't go into details, but its really causing changes back home. Adjusting into the college life has been really hard! So I am not exactly being the best example of what a college student should be because I am so distracted. However its been really good for me in a way. Its been the one of the greatest feelings I can think of to be around people that want to be around me! I was able to make friends out here easier than usual. I still miss many of my old friends who I have either lost contact with, they went on a mission (I don't want to make that sound like its bad or anything because I would be disappointed if they didn't go...it makes me happy that they are gone serving Christ by serving His people), I was repeatedly stupid causing that friendship to end, because I had to leave for college, and because they found someone else to befriend (didn't do anything in those times, they just ditched me to put it lightly).
I have made so many mistakes while I have been out here. However there is still a voice of reasoning calling back to me inviting me to come unto Christ. It reminds me that He is still there, He understands, and He can heal me from whatever it may be. He reminds me that He will still be there for me every step of the way (meaning He will serve me) and that I should do the same for others. Even though my mistakes aren't even close to serious they are still mistakes. I wonder if I will ever get it right or change all the stupid things I do and say. Then that familiar feeling comes reminding me to come unto Christ. Right now I believe that the most important thing I can do right now is to come unto Him.
I am very grateful for all the things the Lord has blessed me with at this time! I am glad for this chance that I have that the Lord has given me.

Things are changing

I never know just what to expect in life anymore because right when I think I have everything figured out things change. My mom and I have become really close. Its been a really slow process, but I think that we're finally okay. I hate that I have to leave for college when things are going this great with my mom, but I know that by staying home I can't achieve whatever the Lord has planned for me. Somehow I was able to find a 2 1/2 week job. I'm still surprised that I even got the job considering I had zero work experience and I was a little stuffed up when I applied for the job. I got to see many old faces that I hadn't seen in forever! It felt great to talk to them and see how they were doing. Speaking of seeing many old faces, I wonder what's going to happen once I'm at college and I see more old faces. Well I guess I'll find out next week.

Working in a store

Last week I started my first job. I am a cashier for a college bookstore, but I'm training to work the floor (or to help people find the books they need). I love my job a lot! Today there was a guy on a cross-country scholarship (the guy said he could run 5 miles in 28 minutes). I rung up his books and he left. A few minutes after he had left he came back with some of his friends. They didn't buy anything that time, but the guy told me that he was back. I didn't have time to talk, so I said something like yeah you're back. Andrew (the security guy) told me that he thought that guy liked me or something. I just thought it was comical!
Working at that bookstore has been the most fun I've had all summer! I talk to the other employees and joke with some of them. We just have a great time! I also really like talking to the customers! Its always fun to see them smile! There's this guy named Matt. The second day of work I asked him his name and he told me "its Matt with two t's" and I said something like why not one t. His response killed me when he said no, two t's. He is always making a joke. There is this girl named Brittney. As we were talking one day I found out that she went to the same middle school that I did for two years. We were in the same grade! For some reason she recognized me and I didn't, but then again it was middle school and I was really quiet in middle school (come to think of it I'm just a quiet person at school). We've become really good work buddies! I love my work so much that I really don't want to leave it all behind when I leave for college, however I can't wait to leave at the same time! Tomorrow the rush begins. I'll be at work for about 10 hours tomorrow ringing up some cranky customers. See, financial aid doesn't start until tomorrow and there will be hundreds of people waiting outside to get their books in that blazing Georgia summer weather (because we have such a small bookstore we can only let in about 30-40 people at a time, so they all have to wait outside). I've heard that things can get quite hostile and a little verbal at times, but for the most part it will be just a lot of tired and cranky people wanting to go home. Can't wait!

Zero to hero

When I was young I was diagnosed with ADD. A two year old had a better attention span than I did. My grades slowly dropped. 6th and 7th grade I had to go to summer school because I failed a class or two. My only motive for even passing summer school was for my friends. Finally eight grade came around and I gave up. I failed every single class except for band and art class. I only passed band because I have a musical ear and could pick up on tunes easily. I didn't practice much, if any, yet I was able to go to honors band and some other honors band. I actually received 3 band medals based on my musical ear when you look at the fact that I didn't practice. I only passed art because it was based effort not perfection (fyi I am not very artistic). After failing 8th grade (even summer school couldn't help me pass onto 9th grade) my mom pulled me out of public school and placed me into private school. That year I made straight A's. I received the David and Golith award for defeating my Golith in life (my older sister received that same award that same year...we were the only ones to receive this honor).

9th grade came and I first place in a poetry contest. I think I won a couple of other academic awards that same year. In 10th grade I only received honor roll if I remember correctly, but its a step up from failing. 11th grade came around where I became a member of the youth council advisory committee and almost went to leadership summitt, but wouldn't attend because it fell on a sunday. Last summer I participated in efy and hill cumorah pageant where I had numerous chances to bear my testimony. I did everytime and each time I did someone always came up to me and told me about my strong testimony and how thankful they were for it. I remember at efy some guy I hadn't talked to, but had been in my company, told me that he was going on a mission and another guy told me to not loose that strong testimony three times I think. At pageant someone came up to me and told me that she took notes on my testimony (which I thought was weird, but cool at the same time). My 12th grade year I became the senior class president, received 2 scholarships, a leadership trophey, a track plaque, and I almost graduated with cum laude (I was off by a point or two, but its okay). Not only that but I was also accepted into a nice university. I wish you could have seen the look on my doctor's face when I told him that. He was so suprised because, in my opinion, he thought I wasn't going to amount up to much. I am happy to tell you that I graduated high school last friday.

Often times people look down on the very people they will eventually look up to. Don't give up on any righteous dream because one small mind tells you to quit. There are so many success stories of people laughing and mocking at someone because their weaknesses, yet they overcame it all. "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."- A Cinderella Story

My testimony

I've realized that I don't bear my testimony enough. I don't have to explain my reason(s) as to why I don't, but I don't. When I was little my parents divorced and it was really hard for me to accept it and move on with my life. To make matters worse my older sister was (and is) mentally ill and jealous of everything I did. She was very violent physically as well as verbally. I couldn't (and still can't) tell her all of my accomplishments because when the attention is taken off of her, she can't handle it, so I have to be careful about what she knows. When we would take "family" vacations to somewhere like Disney World sometimes we would have to take seperate vacations because the situation with my older sister and me. My mom and I weren't really close growing up, actually to be honest I hated her. After my parents divorced it hurt me so bad that I would stay up in my room and I wouldn't leave unless I had to eat or go to the bathroom. What you have to understand about my mom is that she can't understand how I felt because she had a beautiful childhood and described it to me as not having any trials. She realized this and would call me disturbing. I wasn't disturbed, but upset about the divorce. Instead of talking to me about the divorce and saying something like 'things will be okay honey' she would call me disturbing and send me straight to counseling where some weird stranger would cross his legs and want to talk about feelings. My mom wouldn't listen to me and she would call me all sorts of mean, rude, and off-the-wall names she shouldn't have. This made me so mad and would often spark many arguments that were so bad my dad would come to my house and take me somewhere to calm down. He listened to me, understood me, and gave me advice. My dad was my best friend growing up and we developed a great relationship.
I can't go on and tell you anymore than I have already told you because it still sortof upsets me, even though its all said and done. I will say this though, my mom and I grew together a year or two ago and we are doing great now.
The point of my depressing story was to give you my testimony. "Satans greatest threat is to destroy the family and make a mockery of the law of chastity" (I can't remember who said that becaues I've heard it so often). I testify that whoever said that is right. Family is no joking matter, its serious. I wish that I could have had a childhood filled with family picnics and happy moments but a lot of my memories are filled with watching satan's plan in full swing. I hated it! I can't complain too much today because things are better than they were. Family is important, never forget that! Take advantage of that special opportunity! There is real power in the family unit! If your like me and your family is weak, don't do what I did! It doesn't do any good to sit locked up in your room while time passes you by. "It does not do good to dream and forget to live" -Albus Dumbledore.
I know that Jesus Christ atoned not only for the sins of the world, but also for all the pain and sickness that the world has to offer. I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost and its power to teach, heal, and comfort. Last, but not least, I am grateful for my Heavenly Father for sending His only Begotten Son to this earth for me. I know that the Book of Mormon is true and that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I leave you with my testimony in the sacred name of Jesus Christ. Amen.