Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Sorrows can become positive

I feel like everyone goes through a bad relationship.  There are so many things one can learn after these tribulations are over.  I sure learned a lot through my horrible relationships.  My first boyfriend was terrible!  We began dating within the first week of getting to know each other.  He kept wanting to get closer and closer but I held my limits.  At the time I believed that my first kiss should  be saved for my wedding day so all I would do is hold hands or sit really close.  It wasn't too long before things didn't feel right.  My first attempt to breakup led to me backing off entirely.  He picked up on the idea that the idea of a breakup was in the air.  It was then that he threatened me if we ever broke up.  I can't even describe the fear that I felt for a year and then some after that.  There were a few other things that he did while we were "dating" that were a bit questionable.  Eventually I broke up with him.  That was extremely nerve wrecking for me because he had already threatened me before if we ever broke up.  I feel grateful that he never tried to come after me because I have heard of stories where ex boyfriends would physically harm a girl if she broke up with him.  Years later we talked about that night and he apologized for all of that but he still didn't have the greatest motives attached to his apology.  He still wanted something I didn't.  Eventually I built up the nerve to tell him how disgusting it is the way he treats women.  One day I really hope he understands that.
I feel so blessed that nothing ever happened.  I feel incredibly blessed to never have been physically harmed by a guy I have dated.
There are many other stories about things that have happened in my past that have created a hassle in my life.   The priesthood is such an amazing thing!  This semester I had the opportunity to receive a priesthood blessing to help my post traumatic stress.  The Lord has help lessen the pains, sorrows, and fears placed into my life by other individuals, unfortunately there have been more horrible stories than this.  He has given me exactly what I have needed for me to heal for the past several years.  It has helped me sleep and relax.  These things are still hard to me but they have become easier than they were before.
To those who are in abusive situations in any way, shape, or form get some help.  For those who were like me there is a way out of all of this!  You don't have to be quiet about anything that has happened.  Friends, family, teachers, guidance counselors, anybody you trust speak up.  Things will get better over time.  Just know that something can be done about all of this.
I'm learning to trust again after this and many other horrifying tales I haven't really talked much about.  I've learned that what's in the past is truly in the past.  I've learned to trust much better people and I'm hanging around much better people.  In ways I'm glad that I went through these trials, they have made me the person I am today.  They have helped me to be compassionate towards others who have been through similar things.

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