Friday, May 6, 2011

Having no more desire to do evil

This last semester has been extremely tough and challenging for me. To compare it to life it felt like turning on burner on a stove with your hand on it. At first it's not so bad then things heat up. The challenge to keep your hand on the stove becomes impossible. It's a bad analogy I know but it's the best description I could think of to describe how that semester felt for me. Everything bad that I could think of happened. I must admit I am not a perfect person and didn't hang in as best I should have. My old roommate and such an awesome friend of mine grew quite concerned for me after a while. She knew I was under a lot of pressure and such but was there for me. I am so grateful for her being there when I needed someone. I am also so grateful for my other friends who were there for me. Anyways, when I got home I was still struggling with life for quite some time after until I got an email from one of my friends who is on his mission right now. He has no idea that I went through a rough rough semester. After I got that email I had a desire to read my scriptures and about a week later I did. Then I started praying again. Strange thing happened after that...I actually felt better. Yeah, I had to admit to myself that I knew things weren't going to change much in life and my life won't instantly change because I did but it made me feel better. I know that my life will not be perfect and for now at least I will have to go through many challenges but I know that I don't have to suffer anymore inside because I go through so much. Christ suffered on the cross not only to atone for our sins but also so He can understand what people like me go through. He won't take away others agency but He can heal us inside and out. Yeah, people will make their choices and it's going to be tough but He can take the pain away, first we have to believe that He can. I am learning and probably will learn my entire life that bad things will happen to good people but it is what we do with it that matters most. I don't have to be bitter about my life and I don't have to see the negative side to life either because in all honesty even though the glass is half empty it's also half full. I can focus on the good or the bad. I must admit I have become a better person. I'm still talking to my friend who is out on his mission and it has been quite a joy to hear from him. He comes home in less than three months and I hope that I get to see him sometime.

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