Once Again

I recall my first winter semester at BYU Idaho.  Since we didn't have cleaning inspections the apartment was always dirty.  People don't want to do things unless they have to.  I cleaned.  I would clean until 4 AM if I had to.  Each morning I would wake up around 11 to head off to class only to find that the apartment was filled with the same mess I spent hours on the previous night.  It was stunning how fast the place could get so filthy!  Every night I cleaned again still.  My roommates never knew, they still don't know just how much work I put into that apartment.  One day I caught the flu from another roommate and stopped cleaning after everybody.  I cleaned up only after myself only from that time on.  Soon afterwards my roommates decided we needed to have a group meeting.  Thankfully someone pitched the idea that we should read scriptures before.  It helped tremendously with calming people down however there was still tension.  I stayed quiet and observed the other's behaviors.  Everyone of them that brought forth an idea had one motive behind it: what can I get from all of this?  It's sad to think that people only want to do nice things to get something in return.  Years later, present time, I find myself doing the exact same thing.  Staying up late at night cleaning after people.  Thing is this time I've learned my lesson.  It's not how many hours spent cleaning or the sacrifice that it takes to do so but the heart that is poured into it.  The Savior taught that what we do to the least of our brethren we do to Him.  So I'm staying up late again to clean for people who might not even recognize I stayed up late cleaning but I'll know and He'll know.  Best part of it all is the peace that I feel when I do these kinds of things for others.  I'm not going to get a plaque for this.  I'm not going to get cookies or a trophy but I will get peace from knowing that I'm doing what the Savior would do.  I'm going to feel His love.  I'm going to draw closer to my Savior.  That's good enough for me.  :)

Desiring more

I honestly didn't think this internship that I've taken could change me so much.  I'm beginning to know what I really want in life and to see things with clearer perception.  For the first time in my life I'm beginning to say "not good enough."  I'm beginning to want more and to expect more from myself.  Many Sundays I've had to go without church.  A few months ago I would have been grateful for that but not anymore.  It bothers me that I can't go.  It's not good enough that I can't go.  I want to go to church.  I want to take the sacrament.  The Lord has also blessed me with a desire to get married one day.  I use to talk about how miserable that would make my life and how much I didn't want to have children.  Now I see how that would make me happy one day.  I'm also learning about the changes I need to make in my life and how I can't let fear run my life.  I'm coming to see that the only person any of us can really rely on is the Lord.  There's a difference between trusting people and relying on someone.  I'm learning to turn to the Savior more and trusting more in His grace.  I'm also coming to see the difference between light and dark (in a spiritual sense).  If we put our trust in His light it chases away any darkness.  Sometimes our decisions put us in the dark but the Lord can take us out of the darkness in the light if we let Him.  It requires changing our decisions but it's possible.  I didn't do anything huge or serious but I didn't make the greatest decision a while back.  I'm beginning to see just how it effected my life.  I'm learning to walk away from things that make me eternally miserable.

Just a little bit further

Summer has been rough.  For some reason they always seem to be rough for me in some way or another.  I feel so blessed to have patient friends who cared about me enough to really pull me through everything.  I feel so blessed that there are so many people that want the best for me.  Today I was on the verge of giving up hope and surrendering my self confidence yet again (I told you this summer was rough :P )  I think that tends to happen when we forget that good things are yet to come.  Sometimes we need that reminder, actually, I think we constantly need that reminder.  Good things are yet to come.

Anyways, next week I'll be an official Disney employer.  :D  After months of preparation of this it's hard to believe that it's already here.  All I have to do is keep preparing and hang in there for 8 more days.  If you couldn't tell I'm very excited about this!  :D

Family is Forever

Lately I've been thinking about families and how they should be the most important thing in our life. Why? Because they will always be there. Friends may come and go but family will always be there. For many years I've been pushing my family out of my life and it's taken a long time to realize that. My grandma stopped sending me things, my uncle doesn't talk to me, and I don't visit for Thanksgiving anymore. I haven't been to one of my family's Thanksgiving for 2 years. I realize now that anyone is capable of hurting someone, even the ones that we love, but in the end we know they aren't perfect and we know that we love them We should forgive, forget, and move on from those experiences instead of letting the past consume our lives.

That's my little sister Kim. She's the most amazing person I can think of. We spend so much time together that's she's become a wonderful friend of mine. It's the one relationship with my family that I truly feel is mine. I'm working on getting to relationships with my other family members so it can be similar to the one I have with Kim but I know that it won't happen overnight and it won't happen without a lot of hard work.

 Do you have any experiences where you've struggled with your family? What are some of your favorite family moments?

A tribute to A&B

I have lived at A&B apartment my entire college experience. It no longer exists! In memory and honor here are some of my memories. I don't have too many but I do have some. I say this because I was rarely at my apartment. -Nacho libre nights with chips and salsa at the end of every semester -Dance parties at the end of every semester with just the girls at the apartment -The quote wall where I always seemed to have the most quotes (I remember getting a text from a guy who walked me home...that was not the highlight of my life!) -Buddy the dog. He always seemed to bit guys (I remember he bit one of my dates). -The time my roommates did the Waka Waka in the kitchen. -Merritt's obsession with veins! -Getting so many roommates who could speak SPANISH! -The conversations about boys...holy cow! -Watching random videos on the internet. -The kissing arch (I will admit, I've only used it once ha ha) -The kitchen always being a mess! -Ninja Becky...we hardly saw her. -Coming back right at curfew practically every night :D -My butt dances and yes they were EPIC! Every time I opened the fridge I would dance. -NO CLEAN CHECKS! That's right, the owner actually trusted us to clean our apartment. -That time we all received nicknames...I can't remember mine sorry. -How the fire alarm always went off when we cooked...the alarm was near the stove. Smart right? -Coming and going to lots of dances. I broke many hearts every time I left my apartment. I always left saying "well, it's time to break some hearts." -My cooking...ha ha ha another epic thing. Spaghetti salsa oh yum! -Michele...ah, words don't describe Michele she's just really out there. -Evening prayers -Everybody going to bed early while I stayed up til like 2 or 3 AM -Getting one of my roommate's to lick her mashed potatoes as well as capturing a photo of her piling on the pizza at the Pizza Pie Cafe (I can't remember the original name) -Going through break ups...guys when it's over just know you have been replaced with ice cream :D -Eating an entire container of ice cream in less than 24 hours...oh yeah, I did it -Taking showers in the smallest shower ever invented! -Labeling the bathroom as the chamber of secrets ha ha ha ha

Moving away

There comes a point in everyone's life when a person has to grow up and leave home. Sometimes this also means turning down money and receiving little help from family. That's what I'm going to do soon. It's hard and I already feel the pressure and it hasn't even happened yet. I realize that I can't become who I need to become if I'm tied down to my parents. I have also realized some other things which I do not feel obligated to include in this post. I have to start letting go and living like an adult. I'm scared and worried about how this is going to turn out but I know it'll be for the best. I will have to rely on the Lord a lot and I'll have to turn to my real friends a lot for emotional support but even if I wasn't going through this I would have to do that anyways. And it's not so much that I have to but that I want to. I understand that I might have to sell some valuable things of mine to accomplish this but any sacrifice I have to make I'm willing to make them. Somethings are more important than having something of worldly value. Life has taught me that.

Not like my her

I had often contemplated if I was given a circumstance that wasn't right for me to be in would I have the courage to say no. Yes, yes I would. I can say that now. :D