Swinging doors

They say when one door closes another one opens. Still wondering how in the world I can go from crying over a guy to having two dates in one day practically over night. Last semester I fell for someone who I thought was absolutely perfect...he's not. We went on a few dates. How did that end? With a sorry but we should just be friends. AH! I could have absolutely died! I was crushed! Someone may as well have pushed me off the side of a mountain! So what did genius Keri do then? She decided that she wasn't going to take this anymore and started going for someone who just wasn't worth even a penny. Thankfully I have friends who looked after me during that time and somehow pulled me away from that. Remember that guy who I thought was just perfect? Let's just call him ab. So ab somehow found his way back in my life again. He invited me to go and hang out one night this semester. Hope shot through every inch of my body. Instantly I was thrilled and said yes. His sister was getting together a huge group to play volleyball. We were going to meet up at some lounge and all travel down and play some volleyball. I was the first there so I waited for everyone else. One of my friends actually came (I had no idea that she knew them). Next his sister and brother came. Not realizing that they were related I said something stupid. Ouch! No points for Keri! I did my best to not let that ruin things for after all I was about to see ab again. The night went on and then it hit me...I was the only person dressed up in sweats. A trigger went off in my head; why was I the only person dressed up to work out? I looked so stupid! Not only that but I had already made a fool out of myself by saying something ridiculous in front of his family. More or less I did my best to make the evening enjoyable but the second it was over I left. I ran home. After I got home I checked my phone and he had tried to call/text me that plans had changed. I was relieved that he had tried to tell me plans had changed but the fact that that still happened was awful! For a month I thought that he had changed his mind, I thought that he started thinking that he might want to date me. I fell for that trap yet again. He didn't. I can't help but feel like my emotions were tossed in the air like a child playing with a bouncy ball. How did I find this out? I had a friend somewhere upstairs from where he lives who asked ab if he had taken interest in any girls right now. He didn't. I can't believe I was that stupid! Thankfully my roommate was patient and talked with me for an hour and a half. She gave me hope again that I had lost.
The very next day she started talking with her brother. Somehow I wound up with two dates in one day: one to make sure my roommate and some guy get together while the other I am being set up on a blind date. Not only that but it also almost seems like guys now are falling left and right, head over heels just to get a date with me...ME! Wow, I never would have seen that coming!

Twists and turns

Last night my computer decided to die. That's right, it's dead. I've had that laptop for almost two years now and the other night it finally has decided to die on me. Right in the middle of the semester. In a way it is now a blessing for me in the sense that I now have more time to do my studying and cleaning my apartment. On the downside it also means that my social life is diminished some. I also found out last night that this guy that I had liked for a while now doesn't have any feelings for me. That was hard to accept. I'm working through it though and doing my absolute best to not let it get to me.

Where has my heart/head led me this time?

I don't know what to think lately. Each path seems to have a dead end. I turn around, wander down another road, and find yet another dead end. I wonder when I will find the road I wish to travel down. I do not envy those who have found their road and are on it right now but I do wish I could also be on my road. I know that I can't turn back from where I once was but that's it. The only lead I have to my future life is that I must progress...progression the wonderfully confusing thing. I've also wondered where my heart has led me and why it has led to dead ends and winding roads only to have to turn around and find a different path. Who knows why this really happens it just does! It's not miserable though; I have plenty of friends, good times, peaceful moments, and laughter to fill my life with happiness and bliss. I'm also getting a good chance to see people for their good qualities. It makes life a wonderful, not complete, but wonderful, joyful experience.

Ice and sidewalks

Tonight I went out with some friends. We went sledding, ice skating, and then back to a friend's place where we drank hot chocolate and had a great time. I wanted to get back in time to study for my exam so I left a little early. A good friend of mine (thankfully he came with me) decided to walk me home. I'm okay with guys walking me home especially since I feel safe around them. We were walking along laughing, cracking jokes, and just having a great time. I had this idea (bad idea) to race him. I was joking that I was going faster than he was. The sidewalks were icy and slippery, very slippery. We ice skated down them anyways. At some point I fell. No, I didn't just fall I slammed into the sidewalk. I crashed on my left cheek and for a split second saw a speck of white light. I was conscious but did not want to move. My cheek was in pain and my body was shaking. I wanted to cry but couldn't. My friend kept asking me if I was okay, if I could move, to stand up...stuff like that. It hurt in a shocking way that I just curled up in a ball for a tad. Then I turned over and asked him if my cheek was bleeding. It was. The cheekbone of my face was bleeding. He kept wanting to get me up but I kept not wanting to move. A car came by and some guy offered to give us a lift. Eventually he was able to get me to get up and he helped me get into the car. He was kind enough to pick up what I had dropped as well. I was still shaking the entire time. During the car ride I sparked a conversation with the driver. It was odd and I don't think my responses were all that great but it passed the time. Once he drove me to my house my friend helped me downstairs and into my apartment. He made sure I was okay before leaving and let me know that he was always there if I ever needed help. Then he joked around and told me not to die. Before too long he was gone. I cleaned my wound and sat down still shaking and in pain. I took it easy and didn't study for my exam (the reason I had left early). Of course I went on facebook and people asked if I was okay and such. I was very grateful for friends who looked after me and who are always there should I need them. Honestly I think I was watched over tonight. It could have been a lot worse than what it already was.

Recognizing the past, desiring the future.

The previous night I was in a conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking about the Book of Mormon. I mentioned how I had a hard time reading it because I tend to get lazy and procrastinate or that I am so busy with my daily events I brush it to the side. In my religion class today my teacher taught us that false prophets and people claiming false doctrines would come and it would be so easy to stray away from the truth. He mentioned that even the elect would fall away and that the only ones who would remain on the paths were the ones who treasured up the word of God. I started thinking of my friend who has fallen away from the principles of the gospel. It's scary to think that that could happen to me. That I could be spiritually blinded and not even realize that I have been. The only thing that can prevent this is to treasure up the word of God. My religion teacher gave me the motivation to read my scriptures. Why would I want to put myself into any position where I could deny truth? It just doesn't make any sense not to. I know that I won't be perfect right off the bat; this will take some time to remove old habits and to replace them with better ones. I do think that in the end it will be worth it.

You are loved

Sometimes I think everyone needs that reminder. I went to the grocery store today. Usually I can manage to get home but today I couldn't. As I was walking home my ears felt colder than usual. I was already so hungry that holding heavy items was practically a stupid idea for me. As I was walking I kept praying for a miracle. I said a silent prayer in my head that someone would come by, pick me up, and take me home. I kept spilling off those prayers in my head. Every car that came by I asked myself if that was my miracle. After walking home halfway home I started just praying that I would have the strength to get home. A car took a right turn after it was safe for me to cross I crossed. I saw the car take a u-turn but I kept walking. The driver rolled down the window and said something incredible; "do you need a ride?" Yes, yes I desperately needed a ride. I turned around said that I did. Once I got in the car two guys who were so kind asked me where I lived. I told them and they took me home. They helped me take my groceries inside my apartment. I am so grateful that the Lord answered my prayers when He did and that they came when they did.

Rubbing off

I've had Merritt as a roommate for 3 semesters now. For the longest time she had been the roommate I just didn't want to talk to much but always ended up talking to. I can't remember when she started thanking me for cleaning stuff but every time she saw me cleaning something she always thanked me. Her example must have rubbed off on me because I found myself self-consciously thanking her for taking out the garbage today. I also have noticed that I listen better to people. I found myself wanting to talk more to her and listen to her more. She's actually a pretty cool person! She was making food for dinner and I saw that she was eating something with cheese in it. I was so inspired to make a cheese sandwich. She offered me some hot dog meat to go with it but I politely said no thanks.